Can't they just remain babies forever?

My kids are so cute. Right now they're testing their mommy and daddy's patience, but it's cute. It's Saturday night, so I guess I'm not that worried. It's 10pm, the kids were put in bed at 8pm like every night. But tonight they've decided they'd rather not sleep.

Tim went in their room to lay the law down about 20 minutes ago. What he found was pretty darn hilarious. The kids were wide awake, naturally. They had moved their bedding around on the floor, were running around their room wearing these backpacks my mom got them some time ago (they're basically Sesame Street dolls with a tiny zipper pouch on their backs and straps so kids can wear them like a backpack). The funny part is, and I'm not sure when they learned this, but they both stop in their tracks when Tim entered the room and instantly pretend to be sleeping. As if it isn't completely obvious they're faking. Since they'd been up and running, they landed on the floor in non sleeping positions. Reagan was on his knees with his head on the floor and one hand holding his Grover backpack in place, while Sofia actually started to get down but decided mid-motion that it wasn't necessary to lie down. She just sits sown on the floor and closes her eyes and puts her thumb in her mouth.

It's about 10:15 now, things are seemingly quiet. I'll give it another 15 before I know they're out for sure.

The fake sleeping has been going on for a couple weeks and it's always accomponied by the chatter, these two can talk like a couple teenage girls at a sleepover. Don't ask me what a 2 and 3 year old find to chat about, but they find something. It can be adorable, but some nights it is just plain frustrating when all I want to do is go to bed as well. Or at least enjoy "adult time"... I look forward to the hours between 8 and 11:30, when Tim and I can actually talk or watch our shows (all uninterupted). It's lovely.

I guess now that Reagan is close to 4 things are starting to change. I worry that he's growing up too fast (at least for my taste). He is definitely drawn to more mature things these days. For instance: his cartoon preference has changed recently. He used to be content with an episode of Go Diego! Go! or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but now they just seem to bore him. If I insist, he will tolerate them for his sister's sake. There are times he will put up a fight about it though, so I try to alternate the cartoon viewing. He now would rather watch Transformers, anything Batman, Spongebob Square Pants, or even Hannah Montana and Zach & Cody (this is how he refers to the Suite Life of Zach and Cody on Disney). The latter two have me stumped. These are TV shows that tweens should be watching, and my 3.5 year old son enjoys them (what's scary is that he seems to understand them, or maybe he only laughs because of the laugh track, which eases my mind some so we'll go with that). He's greatly influenced by his teenage cousins that he sees every day at his daycare (which could also be refered to as my aunts house).

Even Sofia is growing right in front of our eyes. It seems like only yesterday (cliche) that she was turning one, just learning to walk... you know the rest. Now she tells me daily that she's a "big girl." She's potty training at her request, which is cool, but it came as a shock when she first asked because I wasn't ready to let that part go yet. Even something as trivial as her hair growing fast makes me nostalgic (and admittedly weepy).

I just want it to stop! Or at least slow down, my babies aren't even babies any more and it scares me. Well, it doesn't scare me necessarily, but it sure as hell freaks me out. I'm sure experienced mothers who read this will probably scoff and tell me that this is a part of life that every mother dreads. I know the facts, I just don't like them.

Baby Reagan (and mommy)


Baby Fia (and mommy)

My "BIG" kids, Christmas 2008

This is for you Claire.....

Well here it is. It's only my 3rd posting and I've come up with writers block. I can think of nothing to inspire me. I am bored. But don't worry your pretty little heads. I have searched the web for ideas to blog about. I've come up with a solution for today's entry.

You see, lately I've been feeling a little blue. You might call it the winter blues, seasonal depression or whatever. I call it "THIS SUCKS." It's only January and I'm sick of this place. I am ready to go, vamoose, scat, get outta here! Or rightly, I'm sick of this weather. It's bringing me down. I'm tired of wet feet, cold hands and chapped lips. The other day the snow turned into snain (that's what I like to call the lovely mixture of snow and rain falling outside my window).

This is my driveway, or anywhere else you look for that matter.

I'm realistic, there's no way that I could pack up and leave. Or could I? Would it be prudent of me to leave hastily? No. But that doesn't mean I can't think about it. Besides, it could happen in the future. As of this moment, if I had my way, the not so distant future.

I got a bit spoiled living in Seattle. The winters there weren't great by any means. But they weren't this endless down pour of snow. It didn't snow for days on end and then stop, make you think it was over just so 6 days later you can be depressed on your way to work (already depressing enough) because it's SNOWING once again. You might be thinking, "don't you live in Alaska? Isn't this to be expected? What's wrong with you? Snow is beautiful. If you don't like it, why'd you come back in the first place?" All good questions. I'll answer them.

1. Yes. I live in Alaska.
2. Yes. It is to be expected.
3. Um what's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Snow is pretty when you haven't seen it in 6 months and all of a sudden there is a light dusting of it on a fall morning. Snow loses its beauty quality after the 2nd month in a row without much stopping. When you have to consistently shovel and snow blow your way out your front door. When all you see are crazy traffic accidents because people forget how to drive when the weather changes. And then when snow turns to snain, and it's not even close to spring yet, so you know it's not over. That is why snow is NOT beautiful (to me, of course)
4. Well, I don't like it. Never really did as a youth. But I didn't have much choice, seeing as how my mom pretty much chose where we lived. I left as soon as I could. Came home from time to time, it is HOME after all. Came home last time to be around my dying mom, not really knowing how long I'd stay this time. Now she's gone, but I still have 2 kids. I have to be a grown up. Which means my moving once a year stage needs to end. For now.

All this aside, I have compiled a list of PROS and CONS for Juneau vs. my 2nd (and greatly missed) home of Seattle.

JUNEAU

PRO. My family. It's huge. We're close. I love them. Without them I'd be lonely. Save for Tim and the kids, these people are my everything. And they're ALL (but a few) here.

CON. Weather sucks ass. See the above commentary.

PRO. I LOVE my job. For the first time since my summer job (I was 19) in the tourism guide business (and that can't possibly count as a job) I actually enjoy what I do. I like my co-workers, my office rocks and I get paid well. Also, because it's a government job the benefits aren't that bad. Plus I'm getting loads of experience in the lending business. (Hello! future jobs! or at least once the mortgage industry isn't in dire straights)

CON. No shopping. At all. I just got wind of this newest rumor, Payless and Gottchalks are closing. If you are not familiar with the small town of Juneau, all you need to know is that there is a WALMART, Fred Meyer, Gottchalks and Payless. Of course, a few other things here and there, but really, that's close to it.

PRO. Affordable day care. Because my aunt watches my 2 kids for half what I would pay in Seattle or any other day care in Juneau.

CON. Juneau is expensive. Nuff said.

PRO. I get the permanent fund dividend. Alaska is the only state that pays it's residents once a year. It is only once a year, but hey! it's usually over $1000.00, that is, before the economy took a nose dive.

CON. It's hard to travel. No road out, so you can't drive. You can take a ferry or small boat out, but that takes forever. The only real option is by air, and only AK Airlines flies in/out of Juneau so they monopolize the price to do so. A trip just to Seattle is usually over $500.00 round trip.

Umm that sums up my PROS and CONS for Juneau so far it's 50/50, got a little love, a little hate for this place as you can see.

SEATTLE

PRO. Friends. I left a few GREAT friends behind that I can only now communicate through email, MySpace and the phone with. I love them and miss them dearly.

CON. No family. See my PRO comment on the Juneau side of things.

PRO. Inexpensive living. Really, compared to here, it's a schmorgasbord of cheap stuff.

CON. Possibly a crappy new job. There's no guarantee that I'll end up as a loan officer or loan closer in Seattle. Jobs are scarce right now, especially in the lending biz.

PRO. Places to go. Lots to do. Technically is this 2 PROS? I'm not sure, but I lumped it into one for you. There is ultimately a variety of things to do, many of them FREE.

This is a picture of baby Reagan at a fair in Seattle. Just an example of how much fun we had for free. Good times.

CON. No family daycare. Due to CON number 1 for Seattle, there is no family, hence, no cheap daycare. Which means I go back to paying full prices.

PRO. Weather is not too shabby in winter, awesome in the summer. It still rains, but it's tolerable.

CON. umm I'm out of them.

PRO. I can drive away for the weekend, pretty much anywhere I want to go. And airfare can is WAY more affordable from Seattle.

PRO. I LOVE THE CITY!!

So that's that. There's my list. Unfortunately all it did for me was make me miss Seattle more when I realized that staying here is better for me and my family. Purely for economic reasons. But reasons none the less.

Even though Seattle obviously outweighed Juneau in a number of areas, it doesn't mean that I'll be leaving any time soon.

Juneau has it's moments



Whew! Looking at this post, you'd never realize that I couldn't think of anything to write. Google is my friend.

Doctors, who needs 'em? ... I guess me.

For those of you who know me, you know that I was diagnosed in 1999 with Crohn's Disease. For a while it plagued me pretty good. I was sick for a real long time until the situation peaked and I had part of my colon removed and put back together. That surgery was in the spring of 2001 and I've been in a pretty uneventful remission since then. Sure, I've had bouts of pain and have been on some prescribed medicines now and then... but I've been good. I managed to have 2 beautiful kids in the process, which for a while I was thinking I'd never be able to do.

I've been having some brief moments of pain lately. A flare up? I am not real sure. But I'm worried to let it get out of control. I spent months in and out of the hospital when I was first dealing with it and I lost weight uncontrollably, approximately 10lbs every 2 weeks or so. I can't let it get to that point again. I have my kids, my job and my LIFE! to think about. There is no way I can afford to be in a hospital for a few days, let alone months. However, the more I think about the sure fire crash diet, the more I question my thoughts....NO, I kid you. What do you take me for? lol

So what's a girl stranded in little town, AK supposed to do? There are no gastroenterologists for about 600 miles at least. I called the guy I started seeing back in 2000 when I was airlifted to Seattle for the first time. Dr. Schembre is a nice enough guy, he reminds me of a skinny Joe Pesci with a hairy chest. I know this because he usually has his collar unbuttoned down to the 2nd or 3rd and the hair peeps out over the collar or his scrubs. Haha, that's so funny it sounds like I made it up. But I didn't.

But I digress. I called Dr. Schembre's office yesterday to find out what I need to do. I mean do I make arrangements to go see him or try to tough it out until I have to be flown down for surgery again ya know? Well his answering service takes my detailed message and says he'll call me back. And wouldn't you know it? He calls back to my work line while I'm on lunch and doesn't leave a message! Come on Doc! I only knew it was him because who else with a 206 area code is going to call me at work? mmm hmm. So I call his office back to get the scoop. The assistant puts me on hold to check the notes on my file. Here is what she came up with: Dr. Schembre wrote in the file that there are no gastroenterologists in Juneau.

Umm I must be a genius! I figured that out in the 3rd paragraph of todays blog! Amazing, I always knew I was smart, but whoa.

After that revelation I kindly asked the lady to elaborate. She put me back on hold and went to talk to someone. A few minutes later she came back and told me the doctor was with a patient (natch) but passed on the message that I should see my primary care doctor for the course of action I need to take. I'll probably need to make arrangements in the near future to go see Mr. Pesci's doctor twin. Which means I have to go to Seattle soon.

Let me tell you, I'm extremely bummed at the prospect. I mean, leaving Juneau on an airplane for 2 days? For those of you that don't know me that well...I said that sarcastically.

I called my insurance company to find out about reimbursements and such, turns out that they'll pay for my airfare if it's a qualifying medical reason. Cool beans. However, according to the lady I talked to, my reason isn't a qualifier. Yah, they'll cover my office visit and tests, but not the airfare. Because according to her, the tests that they'll do can be done in Juneau. I told her that there are no gastroenterologists here... hey. Didn't we go over this already? I didn't bother arguing with the lady after a couple go-rounds with this information. I figured I'd start with my doc here in town first. I'll deal with insurance stuff when I get to it.

So there it is. This tid bit of Candice gossip has been on my mind for the last few days. Mainly, what am I going to do if this gets worse? I think it freaks Tim out too. He and I got together just after the surgery and I was feeling better. He's never seen me doubled over and unable to eat, think or speak. (ha! in fact, just the opposite) He's heard my stories but doesn't really know yet how bad it gets. He thinks all my problems will be solved by (lol) changing my diet, which helps... but doesn't make it go away.

For those of you who know little to none regarding Crohn's Disease (which is usually about everyone) and want to learn more, check out these websites: http://www.ccfa.org/ or http://www.crohnsonline.com

Well, I must go. I leave you with these words to ponder... I smell bacon. (I really do! And it smells wonderful)

Day One in Bloggerville

I've given up! I resisted the urge to create a blog until today. 2008 was a crazy year, I've decided to do a few things in 2009 starting with (dun dun dun!) a blog.

My cousin recently joined Blogger.com to keep people in touch with her everyday goings on. I had a login here a long time ago, and never really gave it a go. It was so long ago, in fact, that I forgot the username and password, so I created a new one. I had good intentions, I just fell short on them. So because I've been inspired by my cousin, I'm giving it a try. It really is a great idea... it's like letting people read your journal. Which actually is a little scary if you think about it. Scary for who? I'll let you be the judge.

Because I have children, this seems to be a great way to keep all of my out of town friends and family updated on our lives. I'll be able to post pictures and write about what silly little things my kids are doing now. So from this point on I'll try to come on here every day or so to keep it updated. I mean how hard can it be? Brace yourselves, this could get interesting. lol

Ok, now I'm about to get back to work. T-minus one hour and 2 minutes to go home time!