Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Tigers 10, Sharks 0

What I am going to love most about this post is the fact that random people will stumble upon it and say "WTF??"

The top ten list that proves Tigers are better than Sharks is as follows:

10. The Tiger is chosen as mascot 100x (no joke!!) over the shark. The list is so long that I will not repeat it, but wikipedia does a nice job for me. Google says the shark has one. Just one. The San Jose Sharks. It's an NHL team. Go figure.
9. While much is unknown about the mating habits of sharks, there is some information regarding the rituals of the tiger shark (what a co-inki-dink!). Wikipedia says: "The male uses its teeth to hold the female still during the procedure, often causing the female considerable discomfort." ouch!

Whereas the mating gestures of a Tiger are much gentler. Tigers have been known to use different positions as well as experiment with location, OK experiment is a stretch... but! Tigers have been known to do it anywhere the mood strikes, whether in a tree or on a rock or behind the bush... Both genders actually vocalize (moans and roars) during mating, in fact it's been documented that a female has roared 69 times in less than 15 minutes.

Now you tell me, which sounds like more fun? Sounds like a night at my place... what?

8. Sharks have gills. Gills are ugly. Tigers have a cute breathing apparatus called a nose.

7. Tigers have the ability to look scary or as cute as a button whenever they feel like it. Sharks on the other hand always look scary. See? Nothing cuddly about the guy on the left. He's butt-ugly!

6. In the 1983 film Scarface, the protagonist, Tony Montana, aspires to obtaining all the exterior trappings of the American Dream, which in the character's opinion included keeping a pet tiger on his property. Did he want a shark? Hells to the no!

5. Tigger, Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes), and Tony the Tiger ... nuf said. Umm sharks, well, all I could find was Sherman from Sherman's Lagoon.

4. Can you think of any famous people, let alone normal people, with the name Shark? I didn't think so. Boo-ya!

3. Tiger cubs are totally dependent on their mommas until about 18 months of age. Baby sharks are on their own from day one. Tigers know that mommy knows best! Leave it to the shark to abandon their babies...sheesh!

2. Tigers are open minded and don't discriminate. They'll cross breed with other big cats. Ever heard of a Liger or Tigon? Gotta give props to the Tiger for lovin' on the Lions cuz these big buggers are cute!

(also, and this could be it's own spot on the list however, I don't want people to think I'm weird cuz I focus too much on Tiger sexual habits. But Tigers are known to masturbate and females can have orgasms by themselves!! I mean come on right?!? Speaking from experience...that's just awesome.)

And last but not least, the number ONE reason the Tiger rocks over a shark:

1. You can't cuddle with a shark. You can try, but I wouldn't recommend it. Yeah sure, Tigers aren't always friendly towards man...but they have been known to be kept as pets. So there is potential.

Ok, if you really MUST know WTF this was all about. Go say hi to Maxie and check out Tiger Week. You can learn a whole bunch of reasons why Tigers deserve more love than Sharks.

And remember: "He who rides a tiger is afraid to dismount." ~Ancient Chinese Proverb

1 comment:

  1. I have been trying to tell everyone. TIGERS ARE GENTLE LOVERS!!!