Friday, April 10, 2009

Well. Here we are again....

Family quarrels are bitter things.
They don't go by any rules.
They're not like aches or wounds;
they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal ...

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Gosh! I am so frustrated right now. I'm caught between feeling guilty and also feeling upset. Earlier today my family and I were sending emails to each other to discuss the Easter holiday. We were having a hard time coming up with the egg hunt location (Juneau's weather isn't great and we need a plan B in case the weather is crummy) somehow things got misconstrued in the course of the email chain. Everyone seemed to misunderstand everyone else and I decided to voice my opinion in the matter. I basically accused my family of being petty and told them I'd had enough of it and they need to get along or else.
Well it turns out I jumped to conclusions, vented my frustrations when they weren't necessarily warranted, and have now ostracized the family from myself. I've hurt people's feelings, and even though I've apologized, I still feel bad about it.
I've yet to get a response from my apology from anyone. The person who's feelings got hurt or any of the "innocent" bystanders for that matter. Either they are too hurt to respond, or they're too busy. I'm crossing my fingers for the latter.
The thing is that I slightly feel that what I said had some merit. I sent an apology to everyone involved, as well as a separate one to the family member that was most upset. I voiced my point of view on a few things, and gave her the reason I felt the need to say anything at all about the situation. And whether she sees it my way or not, shouldn't matter. Aren't we all entitled to our feelings and opinions? I cannot apologize for telling her the truth. I can apologize for jumping on the family for something that was uncalled for. But the fuel for the fire, so to speak was there, it was the reason I read into the email incorrectly in the first place.
I am extremely frustrated with myself for jumping the gun. I love my family very much, and while most of the time we don't see eye to eye on things, I would never hurt them intentionally. And so now I am torn between feeling guilty for said situation and also feeling a bit insulted that by venting my frustration I've isolated myself, leading me to believe that I should keep my opinions to myself. Either way, it's not a very uplifting note.
No matter which way you slice it, I've done something I can't take back. I hope a few of them read this, so that they understand that what I say may hurt their feelings, but it doesn't take away from the fact that THEY are the most important beings in my life, aside from my babies of course. My family is all I have, I would do anything for them, and I would venture to guess it would be reciprocated. I hope that if a certain person reads this, they understand that even though they don't see in themselves what I meant, it is truly how I feel and I would hope they will try and see it from my point of view as well.
I would also like to add that I hope this person will TALK to me. I'd rather not "sweep it under the rug" or let it blow over. I'd also rather not get my information from third parties. If you have something you want to say, please TALK to me. If you feel my feelings are unwarranted, I'd like to hear it. Families need to communicate, we shouldn't run to the the next person and talk behind each other's backs, if we can't do that, then where do we stand? It also won't resolve anything by acting that way.
Well, ok. I've said my piece as much as I can. In email, on my blog, I'll be trying to talk in person a bit later. If none of this works, I give up.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Candice, I hope that the family feud got mended. Family feelings are so strong, I think, because of the love and vulnerability involved. In my blog I wrote about my friend Donna and how she has such expectations for her 42 yo daughter, Cassandra. I've emphasizes that she needs to praise her for her accomplishments and just love her as is.
    My daughter on the other hand thinks that I am bossy (lovingly so-sometimes).
    I think that I am just imparting matriarchal wisdom. I suspect that both are true. Smiles and good luck. ps. I think that you are great! Keep blogging!!! Smiles, Tiffiny