This 'n' That But Not Much Else

Howdy folks! Wow I'm so sorry about the time lapse. It has been so sunny and gorgeous outside here in Juneau that I just haven't had the motivation to think up something creative.

It's still sunny out, well not right now because it's 11:24pm, but it is still darn warm. It's been more than a week with consistent temperatures in the high 70s and low 80s. And just for the record, I still haven't come up with something creative!

On Tuesday I played hooky from work and Tim had the day off so we took the kids over to Twin Lakes for some swimming. It felt so great and I didn't even go all the way in! Tim took a dive into the water and the kids sat in it, but I only went up to my thighs cuz I didn't want to take off my shorts to reveal a swimsuit. Eeyuck! You don't want to see that! lol

After some swimming we went to Costco for some smoothies because let's face it, Costco has pretty good smoothies for less than $2 and there's a ton in the cup! We''re in an economic crisis here people!

Other than the couple hours we took the kids out that day, we haven't done anything real exciting.

Let me get you up to speed since it's been like 3 weeks since we've talked....

1. Found a new day care for the kiddos, they seem to really like it and they like having other children their age to play with. I'm still crossing my fingers that we made the right decision.

2. The fourth of July:

We took the kids to the fireworks on the 3rd (yes. Juneau rolls like that). This was a mistake cuz they don't start til midnight and we had a real cranky young man the next morning.

On the 4th was the parade downtown. However, since my son was cranky enough to punch me, he stayed home with his daddy while I took Fia to the parade. That right there was pretty odd. I didn't like the feeling of leaving some of the fam behind. I guess he shaped up after we left, so we all went to the beach after the parade to attempt swimming. But the tide wasn't out far enough and the beach we chose is really rocky and covered in barnacles/seaweed which is slippery and sharp! So no swimming. The kids were sad, but they got over it. haha I'm so mean.

hmm let's see.

3. Reagan has continued to be aggressive and surly. No real news there, just more of the same.

4. Sofia is SOOO close to being potty trained. I can't tell you how excited I am to get rid of diapers! Not too much longer for that wish to come true. Yay!

5. Um, did I mention the sun? Yah, it's super sunny everyday and warm! Actually, I could go for just one day of rain as a reprieve. Then we can get back to the summer weather. I'd be good with one cloudy/rainy day a week just to break up the heat a bit. Also, I got a sunburn...it's faded now, but I looked like a lobster from the chest up.

6. Had our last Relay for Life team meeting on Wednesday this week. Well it's the last before the actual Relay. I can't believe it's next week! Ack, seriously slacking on the fundraising. As a team we've raised a bit more than $1500, but personally I've only raised maybe $30 on my own. I need to get crack-a-lackin!

7. Tim and I have talked and talked about where our lives are going. I really want to move back to Seattle some time in the next year, but Tim seems to want to stay here. We're working on it.

8. I was talking with my co-workers today that it's already mid July! Crap, it's almost fall, which means it's almost the holidays...ok that's a stretch, but fo' realz yo, it's coming up fast!

9. I've been reading the blogs of all my pals via my mobile phone. I can access google reader on the go! Yippee! So even when I'm out playing or waiting in the car while Tim runs into a store I can keep up with all the happenings without actually turning on the computer... I think this may be a partial contributor to my laziness when it comes to blogging.

10. How could I forget? My favorite artist/entertainer/musician MJ passed away. Luckily I got to check out the televised memorial (and cry my eyes out) on the day I played hooky...hehe. That wasn't planned, but it worked out well for me. I am still saddened by the loss, and I am really getting tired of the media coverage, let the man rest in peace. It's sickening really. Whatever the cause of death was doesn't matter to the world that loved him. Let the family deal with it and focus on the sweet children he left behind. Poor kids.

Ok. I'm done on that rant...sorry I digress.

11. Lastly, I'm applying for a second job. Actually I have an interview Monday. In some serious need for extra cash due to new child care being more than double what we used to pay, and I have bill collector's breathing down my neck. So for now it looks like I'll be picking up a couple extra shifts somewhere soon. Very soon. Well, hopefully.

So I think that now you may be all caught up in my life. This is thrilling stuff I know. Can't contain yourself? Tell me about it. Please! I'm longing for some exciting comments. Also just to keep you from being bored, here's a list of some of my fave blogs, check 'em out for me, tell them I said "hi":

• Angie at A Book A Day (witty, funny and great book reviews! This crazy chica actually finds the time to do just what the title implies...she reads a book a day...)
• MyLittleBecky at I'll Go Eat Worms (hilarious, check out her out..she cracks me up!)
• Maxie at I Hate So Much.. (Check out her Too Much Information Thursdays! It'll make you crap your pants...ahem. figuratively speaking of course)
• A shout out to my sis, she doesn't keep up on her blog (she's slower than me!) but she always comes up with something witty, clever and funny! Oh You Pretty Thing....
• And of course, I've told you about Tova at The Secret Life of Tova Darling, she's still awesome.
  

Not sure if some of the other peeps in my fam dam want the recognition or not, but I enjoy their posts too. For more interesting people (that must be cool, cuz I read them!) check out the list up and to your right. ------->

Peace out my homies! I'm in a silly mood and need to get off this thing before my eyes pop out of their sockets! I leave you with something to make you laugh (trust me, this wasn't the worst shot, but I'm not going to humiliate myself for the sake of a laugh)...

How Old Are You Again? No Really.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.' ~Steven Wright

It’s getting late right now, and I can’t imagine going to bed yet. I’m not tired in the least. I want to write something. Anything. I just don’t really know what I want to write about. I figure that if I just start typing, something will come to me.

So let’s see….well, tomorrow is my little sister’s birthday, actually, she’s not so little anymore. She’s going to be 27? 28? Gosh, I should know this. I probably won’t get to see her tomorrow since I have to be at work. She’s got the day off so she’s going out to play in the sun (*yes. it’s still here, shocker!*) with our cousin. I would buy her lunch, but she’s already made plans to eat lunch downtown with our aunts. So I’ll have to wait and see her on Friday night. We’re getting together at the Canton House, here in Juneau, for dinner with our other sister and a group of 17! Talk about a large group. In fact, I had trouble making reservations for a group that large. You’d think that the business would welcome a big group considering each person will drop at least $20 for dinner and a drink…am I right? Oh well, it’s their loss.

I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve for the birthday festivities, however, since she reads my blog I am going to resist temptation to tell you about it for now. I don’t want to spoil the surprises…well ok, only one surprise. But that’s all I’m telling you!

Have I mentioned my new favorite blog? It is so ingenious it makes me wish I’d come up with it myself. The Secret Life of Tova Darling is the title, I became hooked as soon as I read her side bar. It’s really very intriguing and her posts are just as interesting as her side bar. Really. Check it out k?

So anyway, after dinner, my uncle has rented a limo to take my sister and my cousin (who, by the way, shares a birthday with my sis. And happens to be visiting from AZ for the month) and a few friends. So the limo is taking us to go bar hopping around 10 that night. Should be fun, I got an aunt lined up to take the kiddos for the night which is an added bonus for me and Timmy.

What else? Anything interesting going on with you my followers? How is your summer faring so far?

This post is turning into a rambler. But that’s ok. I’m allowed that once in a while.

Oh, well I sent an email to my buddies I mentioned in the previous post. I wanted to let them know that I have a blog, and yes I use it. Haha. Well I sent them the link to yesterday’s post just to share it with them and it got great reviews. SO that makes me happy. It also makes me happy to know that they too consider themselves my friend even after all these years. I haven’t heard back from all four of them, but 2 of 4 say it’s a must read, four outta five stars (the missing star is due to my overuse of run on sentences. But really...I am thinking of taking some grammar class or SOMETHING...do they have Grammar for Dummies?). I must say that I was apprehensive about sending them this email because even though I have a few followers (and a couple are family members), I like to keep a bit of anonymity due to the sensitive subjects. Not that yesterday was sensitive, but I wasn’t sure how people would react to reading about themselves. But I guess as long as I keep it light and airy, I should be ok. Hmmm. Maybe this is why Tova's blog appeals to me. Ya think?

So a few of you are MIA lately. Did I do something to offend you, or are you just busy like me? I don’t know what I expect, truly, I mean I go on temporary hiatus from my blog for a week or two because I’m lazy, then I come back and what? Expect you all to be waiting with bated breath for my next post? I guess we know that my head has just deflated a bit don’t we? Well if I lost the few of you that I had due to my own negligence, I’m sorry. I am already trying to make it up to you by posting three times in less than a week! I hope to make you all proud. I look forward to many plucky comments very soon.

Ok, now that it is officially after midnight, I will now turn off the Pandora Radio (my new favorite music site, really, I just started getting into it. It took me a while eh?). Maybe, just possibly I will go to bed. Even though I don’t wanna. Oh! If only I were still a teenager on summer vacation with the whole night ahead of me and the whole day to sleep tomorrow. Lol, ok, that is extreme, but being able to stay up late when I feel like it and NOT feel the effects in the morning would be pretty awesome.

Sorry for the uninteresting post. The next one will ROCK to make up for this one.

Until next time, ME.

**This amendment was made on June 12, 2009:

As soon as I mentioned that the sun was still gracing Juneau with it's glorious presence, the sky opened up. Well, not at that very moment because that would have just been freaky! But the next morning it did start to pour. Needless to say, my sis did not get to partake in the aforementioned swimming. That is all. Thanks for listening.

You've Got a Friend

Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
~James Taylor~

Well here we are. It's a quarter after 10 tonight and I was cleaning out my yahoo inbox. I've had the same email address for more than 10 years. Let me tell you, I'm real bad about deleting emails. I'm the same way about emails as I am about letters, birthday cards and other mementos, I save them ALL. I always find myself thinking maybe I'd really like to see them again some time in the future when I'm reminiscing. Tim calls me a pack rat and that may be, but he's not getting his hands on my stuff! haha. Actually he's talked me into purging a lot of things like birthday cards from my 2nd birthday and what not, but he's never seen my inbox. hehe.

I have my mail box split up into numerous folders. One for family, my wedding, bill payments, pictures, and friends (and this one is split into sub categories like friends from this job, friends from high school, friends from that job and so on... referring to points in time where I met these friends). It's weird how I organize my chaos, really.

Anyway I was going through one of these sub categories tonight as I am rockin' out to some Huey Lewis and the News (oh yeah, I said it. They're my all time guilty pleasure, ssh!) when I came across several old emails from a small group of old friends that I am lucky enough to have called my pals for a long time. I'm feeling all lovey dovey and nostalgic tonight, so sit back and relax while I talk up my school chums.

With the exception of Rebecca, the names have been abbreviated out of respect for the friends I'm about to talk about. If they read this, they'll know who they are. And for all you others out there, you don't really need to know their real names now do you?

First, there's Rebecca, and if you are an avid reader of this blog, you've met her once before. She was my best buddy in school as you may remember.

Then there was A.B, I didn't meet her until high school when she moved to town from Florida, but we became fast friends.

J.D.M, well J.D.M honestly wasn't much of a friend until after high school when we realized we had much more in common than we thought, however he hung out in the same group as me then. He dated A.B for a time and teased me relentlessly.

His best friend was B.M. I harbored a small crush on B.M for a while. I'd known him since middle school and he was a nice guy. Although, at times I questioned my thoughts because he was good friends with the one guy that made times tough on me.

I had other people I palled around with, but these four are the center of today's story.

I will begin with A.B. She was a lot of fun, and I'll admit that most of the time I was jealous of her. She was cute and had no trouble getting boyfriends, something I wanted very badly at the time. We met one night when I was with Rebecca at the local Coast Guard hangout (Buoy Deck!). Rebecca's mom worked there as a bartender and we were hanging out in the game area. A.B's dad was in the Coast Guard and Rebecca's mom was actually the one to introduce Becca and I to A.B. She was the new girl in town and she wanted us to show her around. A.B lived in Juneau about three years before her dad was stationed back to Florida. A.B actually graduated from our high school a year early so she would not have to attend her senior year at a new school. I admired her for doing that because I wasn't as motivated to do something like that. At times I struggled to even attend some classes. I missed her a lot my senior year.

When A.B moved back to Florida we lost touch, even though I looked for her off and on over the years. Then finally through the magic of myspace, I found her again! She's recently had a baby girl who is the cutest thing ever!

Rebecca I've talked about before, she was my best friend. At times her and A.B didn't always get along and I think a lot of it was that they were both popular with the same boys. A lot of our guy friends in our little clique at one time liked both girls. Ha. So there was a little tension at times. Even though they didn't always get along, I was always friends to both of them.

Of course, Rebecca and I still talk. I love her like a sister and she will be in my wedding (when that finally happens). I will never lose track of her because I would be devastated to do so. She has a little girl that just turned two. Her Auntie Candice loves her and wishes her mommy would bring her for another visit. Hint Hint.

J.D.M is a good example of a boy that at one time or another liked both girls. I believe he dated both at one point. Just not at the same time. As I said, he gave me a hard time, he wasn't mean to me but he really liked to pick on me. Secretly, I may have enjoyed it, because lets face it, at least he was paying attention! J.D.M and I were only friends by association at first. It wasn't until the first Christmas break after graduation that he became one of my very good friends. Somehow he was talked into picking me up for a party and we were catching up in his truck. On the ride to the party we found out we had something in common and he was shocked. Of course I didn't share all the details of my story with him, just the basics. That was enough.

When J.D.M was stationed in Japan with the Marines, I talked to him via email and even on the phone (I bought international calling cards quite a bit). Over time we got to know each other very well and I grew to love him. I mistook that love for a time, to mean that I was IN love with him, but I figured it out when he came home from Japan. By this time I had left school in Seattle and was in Juneau again. I was so excited for him to come home. I had these big plans to confess my love and I was sure I had a chance. He'd told me that I was one of his only friends to talk to him while he was away, he loved me too. When he brought me a gift from Japan (which I'm pretty sure I still have....hey, I'm a pack rat remember?) I may have said something, I can't remember how it went down, to be quite honest. Well it turns out that you can love someone without actually being IN love with them, I was 18 when I figured that out. J.D.M let me down gently, and we parted as friends. Don't worry, it wasn't long before I moved on and found a new young love, and one that actually returned the favor!

J.D.M has been back and forth from Iraq quite a few times now. I understand he just returned from his third tour. Lives in CO now with his own family. I haven't talked to him in a while, we sort of lost touch between his deployments and life moving on. We emailed briefly last summer about our 10 year reunion.

B.M was that one guy. I had this one frivolous crush on a popular guy in school (DP forever!! lol) but that was just silly school girl stuff and let's face it, DP was the most unattainable crush for me there was. We did dance together once, but that, dear readers is another story. But B.M, I'd known him for years. In middle school he used to tease me, but in a normal way. It's funny because we only started hanging out in the same group because he was friends with J.D.M, and J.D.M dated A.B in 10th grade. B.M's family were friends with Rebecca's family (Coast Guard circles) and when B.M's family moved away one year, he moved into Becca's spare bedroom to continue the school year. Since I practically lived at her house, I saw him a LOT. He was like a brother to Rebecca and I secretly loved going over there because I knew he'd be there.

He was nice to me then, but really kept to himself most of the time. I found out later that he'd considered asking me out at one time, but decided it wasn't worth the risk of embarrassment. I mentioned being chubby right? B.M was too, but in an acceptable way. He is tall and all...and well, a boy. I guess he was worried about what people would think about the two chubby kids dating. To this day I don't think it would have been as bad as he thought. But the psyche of a teenage boy's mind is not something I'm about to ponder right now.

B.M has just graduated law school. I am so proud of him. We don't talk a ton these days, he's been busy with school and recently became engaged to a really gorgeous blond girl I've never met, but have seen pictures of on Facebook. He's doing real well for himself, and I am excited for him. I may have scared him off a few years ago by telling him that I wish we'd been more at one time. I don't know why I insist on dwelling on what "could have been" but I tend to do so. There was a spark at one time between us, but our lives led us down different paths. C'est la vie. I don't think I truly scared him off, but he probably questioned my sanity, considering I hadn't seen him in more than 5 years at the time.

So was there really a point in introducing you all to the characters from my early chapters? Not really. There is no story per say. But at least the ground work is set for future ventures into my life.

I was reading the emails I mentioned earlier and found one where we were all professing our love for one another and how we really need to keep in touch. It goes to show how naive we are just out of high school, our hopes are high that things won't change that much. I don't think we fathom what really happens. I remember we had this big plan to go to Vegas once we ALL turned 21. Rebecca was the youngest of the four of us, but when her 21st came and went we were spread across the country actually, the world. It never came to fruition. I'm still holding on to that dream though, wouldn't that be funny if a bunch of middle aged friends reuniting after 20 years? Wow. um 20 years isn't that far away come to think of it...yikes!

There was another email written more recently (well, if you consider 2006 recent) and that love was still expressed in. In this email was a phrase expressed by one, but I think, felt by all: "I love you all and miss you more than I even know. I hope this finds you all well and in good spirits and health. God bless you all!"

I think I reciprocate that sentiment.

Ok, this picture is really kinda hilarious and perfect! I decided to pour through my old pictures to see if I could find one suitable for today's blog post. Low and behold I found a picture from years ago, taken at a party. In this picture is all four of the friends I discussed tonight playing Twister (conveniently, I am the one taking the picture so you can't see me. This is a strategy used many a time by myself to avoid unsightly photos) From front to back is J.D.M, A.B, Becca, and B.M. It is the perfect pic because their faces are hidden. Well, except for J.D.M and Becca, but that's ok I think. The picture quality isn't great, I took a picture of this picture with my cell phone because my scanner isn't hooked up to the laptop and I don't really want to figure that out right now.

Good night and remember Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best: "To have a good friend is one of the highest delights of life".

Happy Birthday

"With every friend I love who has been taken into the brown bosom of the earth a part of me has been buried there; but their contribution to my being of happiness, strength and understanding remains to sustain me in an altered world."
- Helen Keller

Today is the birthday of someone very special to me. Kathy Maria Vilandre was as close a friend as I could have, for me she was my second mother. I met her years ago while in middle or high school (I can't determine the year for sure). She was the mother of Ryan, a boy I knew, he dated my best friend Rebecca. Through my friendship with Becca and Ryan I came to know Kathy well. Over the years I remained in contact with Kathy and she was a large part of my life. Kathy was at times, easier to talk to than my own mother about a lot of things. I found myself seeking Kathy's advice many times over the years, long after Rebecca and Ryan's relationship ended. Kathy passed away on June 25, 2008, only a few short months after my mom. The pain was still very fresh from the passing of my mother when one day I got a call from Rebecca (she remained close with Kathy as well) saying that I needed to go to the hospital right away if I wanted to say good bye, because she was dying. The scene in the hospital was eerily similar to the one I'd witnessed in April that year for my mother. Kathy had been fighting cancer for the last year, a short time compared to the battle my mom went through. By the time I reached the hospital, Kathy was unconcious but still breathing. Her family so graciously allowed me to be in the room alone for a few moments so I could talk with her. I broke down and told her how much I loved her, I felt so alone in those moments. How is it fair that both of the women I loved so much could be taken from me in such a short amount of time?
Kathy passed away that same day around 8 pm. I am grateful that I got to say good bye and hold her hand one more time. I miss her so much and think about her often. Every time I am about to make any decision, I think of what Kathy would have said to me. It's comforting to know that she is no longer in pain, but I miss her.
Happy Birthday Kathy. I love you and miss you terribly.

My kids will do it differently

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~Alexander Graham Bell

I've been thinking a lot about the errors in judgment I've made all through out my life. What? Mistakes, me? I know you must be shocked. It's hard to imagine someone as seemingly perfect as myself making any mistake at all. But I assure you dear reader, they exist. To keep this post under a million words, I will omit anything that happened prior to turning 18. Besides anything that happened before then wouldn't be worth mentioning. Here's a few to get started:

1998:
Mistake #1- Decided to have sex with a high school friend and long time crush the day he left for college.
Mistake #2- Abortion 2.5 months later. Oh and didn't tell the father until much later.

1999:

Mistake #3- Dropped out of college due to depression caused by the aforementioned mistake, used "homesickness" as a cop out.

These really just skim the surface, they are not my only three mistakes ever made, however it gives you an idea. I chose to stop where I did because the more recent stories are prime for future posts. lol But really because it's because I figure that this is a good story to tell.

I hope that I have learned from my mistakes, I feel that I have. There are some (unmentioned) mistakes that I'm still working on, but I take them one day at a time. I can see enough now to look back and think them through rationally and understand that some of the circumstances were beyond my control, or had I made other choices I could have changed the outcome. I now have the knowledge to help my children make empowered decisions. As they say: "My children will do it better than I did."

So the "biggie." I know some of you read this and might be a bit shocked about the "A" word. To be quite truthful I've only told a small handful of close confidants. My own mother til the day she died, had no idea. I never said a word. I was deeply remorseful about the entire situation. I would say it was probably the biggest mistake of my own life. Now, this isn't a political blog, and I do not write to change people's opinions. I am only here to state how it affected me. I am, and always will be, pro-choice. Is it the choice I would make for myself again? No. But I think every woman has the right to choose their own path. Unfortunately for me, I ended up regretting the path I chose, and on this path there is no turning back.

I found out I was pregnant about a week before I was to leave for Seattle. By then the father was long gone. As I mentioned, we did the deed the day he left town... which is the story of my life! lol. I talked it over with my doctor here in town and she gave me the info I needed to know about ALL of my options. She was very helpful and was in no way pursuasive to which direction I should take. Just informative. I found a place in Seattle that would be able to perform the procedure and scheduled it to be done about a month or so after I had started school.

I became very depressed the very day it happened. I had five classes, one 4 hour class every day (Art School). I think I made it to 2, maybe 3 classes a week. The more "difficult" ones, I opted to skip. When I wasn't in class, I was at home locked away in my bedroom (luckily for me one of my roomates dropped out and left me with my own room). If I heard a roomate come home from class or work I would either A: pretend I had just arrived home myself or B: pretend I wasn't home at all and wait til they left before I ventured out.

I cried a lot, I called home EVERY night and basically got kicked out of school. I skipped so many classes that I no longer qualified for my grants and loans because I wasn't maintaining the proper GPA/attendance to earn them. Unless I could pay cash, I would have to leave. The kicker? I had just started to kinda feel normal, had realized I didn't like graphic design and switched to my first love: fashion design. I had even talked to the registrar and actually MADE the changes already... but alas, it wasn't meant to be. I flew home less than a week after learning of my perdikerment.

The source of my pain at the time were a couple of things. One: I felt insanely guilty for not having told the father that I was even pregnant, let alone what I chose to do with that pregnancy. I ended up telling him in a letter just after Christmas break because I just couldn't fathom telling him in person... even though we attended the same parties and gatherings over the holidays. He called me once he had read the letter (I had conveniently sent it to his dorm instead of his Juneau address... you know, so I wouldn't run into him at the store or something) and it turns out he was just ok with me not letting him know. Of course he would have liked to know, but what would he have been able to do out in the midwest when I was in Seattle? In the end he thought it was the choice he preferred, to this day I don't know if he was being honest with me or just trying to appease my hysterics. (As soon as he called I couldn't stop crying for the whole conversation)

And Two: I regretted losing the baby. I regretted not getting to go through the pregnancy and to feel my body changing. Constantly the "what ifs" went through my mind. I made note of when the baby would have been due and for the next couple of years would mentally tick of another year. By the time the baby would have been 4 or 5, I stopped. I still think about it from time to time. Even right after Reagan was born I thought about it quite often for some reason... but it slowly fizzled away to the back of the brain again.

So yeah, I do regret it. With all my heart. Especially now that I know what it's like to hold a precious baby in my arms. That is not to say that every woman will feel this way. So still, I leave it up to each individual to choose their own path. This is something I am going to try very hard to talk to my kids about. I don't agree with the "wait until marriage" concept. I think it is unrealistic in this day and age, and considering my own non-traditional relationship with their father, it would just be hypocritical. I just want to teach my children to be safe and to know they shouldn't be ashamed to talk to their parents, as I was. We are here to help them grow and when they make mistakes along the way I use my own experiences to help guide them to their decision.

I would love to tell my children just don't do it! Don't have sex til you're 30. Even if I say it, it's not going to happen. At least if I educate them and have an open and honest discussion with them about sex and sexuality then maybe my children will make healthier choices for themselves than I made for me. I think the worst mistake a parent can make is to just plainly say "Don't even think about it until you are married" Just don't think about it. Well. That goes against the very nature of a teenager doesn't it? I've never met one that isn't boy-crazy or fawning over the cheerleader (or whatever)... Not only that but our culture is obsessed with it. So to try and stop it from happening without any other explanation other than "it's just wrong, or bad" isn't a very effective method in my opinion. If I just try and ban it from their brains then what can I expect except rebellion?

I know that I have a long time before I need to start discussing the birds and the bees with my little ones, but really the more I think about it, it's not that long at all. Education begins at home, or so I've heard.

I would not change anything I've done. I may regret some things, but I would never actually change the course I've taken to get me to where I am now. I am happier than ever with the two most beautiful babies in my world and their daddy. I have all I need.