This 'n' That But Not Much Else

Howdy folks! Wow I'm so sorry about the time lapse. It has been so sunny and gorgeous outside here in Juneau that I just haven't had the motivation to think up something creative.

It's still sunny out, well not right now because it's 11:24pm, but it is still darn warm. It's been more than a week with consistent temperatures in the high 70s and low 80s. And just for the record, I still haven't come up with something creative!

On Tuesday I played hooky from work and Tim had the day off so we took the kids over to Twin Lakes for some swimming. It felt so great and I didn't even go all the way in! Tim took a dive into the water and the kids sat in it, but I only went up to my thighs cuz I didn't want to take off my shorts to reveal a swimsuit. Eeyuck! You don't want to see that! lol

After some swimming we went to Costco for some smoothies because let's face it, Costco has pretty good smoothies for less than $2 and there's a ton in the cup! We''re in an economic crisis here people!

Other than the couple hours we took the kids out that day, we haven't done anything real exciting.

Let me get you up to speed since it's been like 3 weeks since we've talked....

1. Found a new day care for the kiddos, they seem to really like it and they like having other children their age to play with. I'm still crossing my fingers that we made the right decision.

2. The fourth of July:

We took the kids to the fireworks on the 3rd (yes. Juneau rolls like that). This was a mistake cuz they don't start til midnight and we had a real cranky young man the next morning.

On the 4th was the parade downtown. However, since my son was cranky enough to punch me, he stayed home with his daddy while I took Fia to the parade. That right there was pretty odd. I didn't like the feeling of leaving some of the fam behind. I guess he shaped up after we left, so we all went to the beach after the parade to attempt swimming. But the tide wasn't out far enough and the beach we chose is really rocky and covered in barnacles/seaweed which is slippery and sharp! So no swimming. The kids were sad, but they got over it. haha I'm so mean.

hmm let's see.

3. Reagan has continued to be aggressive and surly. No real news there, just more of the same.

4. Sofia is SOOO close to being potty trained. I can't tell you how excited I am to get rid of diapers! Not too much longer for that wish to come true. Yay!

5. Um, did I mention the sun? Yah, it's super sunny everyday and warm! Actually, I could go for just one day of rain as a reprieve. Then we can get back to the summer weather. I'd be good with one cloudy/rainy day a week just to break up the heat a bit. Also, I got a sunburn...it's faded now, but I looked like a lobster from the chest up.

6. Had our last Relay for Life team meeting on Wednesday this week. Well it's the last before the actual Relay. I can't believe it's next week! Ack, seriously slacking on the fundraising. As a team we've raised a bit more than $1500, but personally I've only raised maybe $30 on my own. I need to get crack-a-lackin!

7. Tim and I have talked and talked about where our lives are going. I really want to move back to Seattle some time in the next year, but Tim seems to want to stay here. We're working on it.

8. I was talking with my co-workers today that it's already mid July! Crap, it's almost fall, which means it's almost the holidays...ok that's a stretch, but fo' realz yo, it's coming up fast!

9. I've been reading the blogs of all my pals via my mobile phone. I can access google reader on the go! Yippee! So even when I'm out playing or waiting in the car while Tim runs into a store I can keep up with all the happenings without actually turning on the computer... I think this may be a partial contributor to my laziness when it comes to blogging.

10. How could I forget? My favorite artist/entertainer/musician MJ passed away. Luckily I got to check out the televised memorial (and cry my eyes out) on the day I played hooky...hehe. That wasn't planned, but it worked out well for me. I am still saddened by the loss, and I am really getting tired of the media coverage, let the man rest in peace. It's sickening really. Whatever the cause of death was doesn't matter to the world that loved him. Let the family deal with it and focus on the sweet children he left behind. Poor kids.

Ok. I'm done on that rant...sorry I digress.

11. Lastly, I'm applying for a second job. Actually I have an interview Monday. In some serious need for extra cash due to new child care being more than double what we used to pay, and I have bill collector's breathing down my neck. So for now it looks like I'll be picking up a couple extra shifts somewhere soon. Very soon. Well, hopefully.

So I think that now you may be all caught up in my life. This is thrilling stuff I know. Can't contain yourself? Tell me about it. Please! I'm longing for some exciting comments. Also just to keep you from being bored, here's a list of some of my fave blogs, check 'em out for me, tell them I said "hi":

• Angie at A Book A Day (witty, funny and great book reviews! This crazy chica actually finds the time to do just what the title implies...she reads a book a day...)
• MyLittleBecky at I'll Go Eat Worms (hilarious, check out her out..she cracks me up!)
• Maxie at I Hate So Much.. (Check out her Too Much Information Thursdays! It'll make you crap your pants...ahem. figuratively speaking of course)
• A shout out to my sis, she doesn't keep up on her blog (she's slower than me!) but she always comes up with something witty, clever and funny! Oh You Pretty Thing....
• And of course, I've told you about Tova at The Secret Life of Tova Darling, she's still awesome.
  

Not sure if some of the other peeps in my fam dam want the recognition or not, but I enjoy their posts too. For more interesting people (that must be cool, cuz I read them!) check out the list up and to your right. ------->

Peace out my homies! I'm in a silly mood and need to get off this thing before my eyes pop out of their sockets! I leave you with something to make you laugh (trust me, this wasn't the worst shot, but I'm not going to humiliate myself for the sake of a laugh)...

She Never Sits Still!

My beautiful family. Unfortunately Sofia has a hard time holding still for longer than 2 seconds, hence the slight blur of her face. It's a great picture none-the-less.

How Old Are You Again? No Really.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.' ~Steven Wright

It’s getting late right now, and I can’t imagine going to bed yet. I’m not tired in the least. I want to write something. Anything. I just don’t really know what I want to write about. I figure that if I just start typing, something will come to me.

So let’s see….well, tomorrow is my little sister’s birthday, actually, she’s not so little anymore. She’s going to be 27? 28? Gosh, I should know this. I probably won’t get to see her tomorrow since I have to be at work. She’s got the day off so she’s going out to play in the sun (*yes. it’s still here, shocker!*) with our cousin. I would buy her lunch, but she’s already made plans to eat lunch downtown with our aunts. So I’ll have to wait and see her on Friday night. We’re getting together at the Canton House, here in Juneau, for dinner with our other sister and a group of 17! Talk about a large group. In fact, I had trouble making reservations for a group that large. You’d think that the business would welcome a big group considering each person will drop at least $20 for dinner and a drink…am I right? Oh well, it’s their loss.

I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve for the birthday festivities, however, since she reads my blog I am going to resist temptation to tell you about it for now. I don’t want to spoil the surprises…well ok, only one surprise. But that’s all I’m telling you!

Have I mentioned my new favorite blog? It is so ingenious it makes me wish I’d come up with it myself. The Secret Life of Tova Darling is the title, I became hooked as soon as I read her side bar. It’s really very intriguing and her posts are just as interesting as her side bar. Really. Check it out k?

So anyway, after dinner, my uncle has rented a limo to take my sister and my cousin (who, by the way, shares a birthday with my sis. And happens to be visiting from AZ for the month) and a few friends. So the limo is taking us to go bar hopping around 10 that night. Should be fun, I got an aunt lined up to take the kiddos for the night which is an added bonus for me and Timmy.

What else? Anything interesting going on with you my followers? How is your summer faring so far?

This post is turning into a rambler. But that’s ok. I’m allowed that once in a while.

Oh, well I sent an email to my buddies I mentioned in the previous post. I wanted to let them know that I have a blog, and yes I use it. Haha. Well I sent them the link to yesterday’s post just to share it with them and it got great reviews. SO that makes me happy. It also makes me happy to know that they too consider themselves my friend even after all these years. I haven’t heard back from all four of them, but 2 of 4 say it’s a must read, four outta five stars (the missing star is due to my overuse of run on sentences. But really...I am thinking of taking some grammar class or SOMETHING...do they have Grammar for Dummies?). I must say that I was apprehensive about sending them this email because even though I have a few followers (and a couple are family members), I like to keep a bit of anonymity due to the sensitive subjects. Not that yesterday was sensitive, but I wasn’t sure how people would react to reading about themselves. But I guess as long as I keep it light and airy, I should be ok. Hmmm. Maybe this is why Tova's blog appeals to me. Ya think?

So a few of you are MIA lately. Did I do something to offend you, or are you just busy like me? I don’t know what I expect, truly, I mean I go on temporary hiatus from my blog for a week or two because I’m lazy, then I come back and what? Expect you all to be waiting with bated breath for my next post? I guess we know that my head has just deflated a bit don’t we? Well if I lost the few of you that I had due to my own negligence, I’m sorry. I am already trying to make it up to you by posting three times in less than a week! I hope to make you all proud. I look forward to many plucky comments very soon.

Ok, now that it is officially after midnight, I will now turn off the Pandora Radio (my new favorite music site, really, I just started getting into it. It took me a while eh?). Maybe, just possibly I will go to bed. Even though I don’t wanna. Oh! If only I were still a teenager on summer vacation with the whole night ahead of me and the whole day to sleep tomorrow. Lol, ok, that is extreme, but being able to stay up late when I feel like it and NOT feel the effects in the morning would be pretty awesome.

Sorry for the uninteresting post. The next one will ROCK to make up for this one.

Until next time, ME.

**This amendment was made on June 12, 2009:

As soon as I mentioned that the sun was still gracing Juneau with it's glorious presence, the sky opened up. Well, not at that very moment because that would have just been freaky! But the next morning it did start to pour. Needless to say, my sis did not get to partake in the aforementioned swimming. That is all. Thanks for listening.

The Sun is Shining

I think I'll go for a walk outside now

the summer sun's calling my name
(I hear ya now)
I just can't stay inside all day
I gotta get out get me some of those rays
everybody's smilin
sunshine day
everybody's laughin
sunshine day
everybody seems so happy today
it's a sunshine day

~The Brady Bunch~
~It's A Sunshine Day~

Whew! It is HOT outside! Well, at least hotter than I'm used to these days. And I'm still in Juneau, AK, people! Yesterday reached 82 degrees and today was supposed to be hotter, however I haven't checked the temperature yet. Hold on... ok, I just checked and it is hovering around 79 and 80 degrees at the moment. It is supposed to stay lovely through the end of the weekend just not quite as warm. Although I am NOT complaining about it being this warm. I am loving this weather.

My mom would have loved it right now, it's prime conditions for swimming at her favorite beach. Lena Beach is still a place that my family likes to visit, besides being my mom's favorite, we all love it too. You might think that swimming in the ocean on the shores of Alaska sounds ludicrous, but given the right temperature it can be quite welcoming. Too bad I'm stuck at work on the hottest days of our current heat wave. By the time I can make it out to Lena for a swim, it will have cooled down to the low 70s. Which is still nice, just not warm enough to brave the cool water.

I have fond memories of our mom taking my sisters and I out the road to picnic at Lena Beach. We'd go out with a bag of fried chicken and some jojos for a quickie just to enjoy the weather, or we would actually pack up the hotdogs and other prerequisites for a cookout over a fire. A lot of the time we were joined by other family members. Our aunts would go swimming with my mom and us kids. Good times.

The cove that Lena Beach sits around is called Lena Cove and that is the same place that we spread my mom's ashes last September.

It is real tough to concentrate on my job when it is this gorgeous outside. Luckily I have managed to hold off on too much goofing around until now. So my work hasn't suffered...much. lol. It will be nice later on once I'm off as well, and I'm looking forward to our Relay for Life team meeting tonight. We have decided to have it at my aunt's house on her deck in her back yard. So I will get to sit in the sun for a bit before it goes down.

I hope the rest of you are having as great a start as I am to your summer! Below are a couple shots of Lena Beach on a foggy morning. These were taken a couple years ago, I have a few classic pictures of my family at this same spot, but I'm afraid I might end up shot if I post them. So you'll have to make do with these.


~Take care!

Going back in time.

If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.
~Winnie the Pooh

Going back in time. Just missing my mom. I will write a better post later. This pic was taken in Seattle on a pier, 1999. It's showing it's age a bit but I love it and keep it in my living room. Every time Reagan thinks I look sad he asks,"you miss your mom right now?" My standard response after chuckling is that I miss her all the time. Then he runs over and grabs the small frame off the shelf. His instructions are to give my mom a kiss and tell her about my day and that I love/miss her. This scenario plays out a couple times per month and it melts my icy heart, as Tim would say. Lol. Anytime the kids have something to say to Grandma or they ask questions about her, we pull this out. One other funny note: Reagan insists that my hand in this pic is actually a burrito...when I tell him it's my hand he becomes very adament and I let it go...cuz it's cute. As usual. :-) TTYL!

Happy (Belated) Mother's Day

Well, I'm back. (Finally!) I know you missed me, you don't have to say it. *smiles*

Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was perfect! My babies (including my big baby: my wonderful, beautiful, caring and generous Timmy) woke me up around 7:30am by carrying in my Mother's Day surprise, a new laptop! Oh my gosh I am so excited, I finally have my very own computer that no one else can touch. Which is especially nice when Tim is in the midst of his online courses or maybe surfing e-bay for the millionth time. Truly, I'll never understand what he finds so fascinating on e-bay, but that man can spend hours there. I didn't get much of a chance to play with it through out the day because my kids wanted to play on it too, which I really wasn't ready for them to do just yet. I'd like to keep it looking and working like new for a bit longer.

After a wonderful wake up and a breakfast of toaster waffles, my little family had a relaxing morning watching what else? Cartoons. But I didn't complain because I was too busy checking out my beautiful new presents. Oh! Did I forget to mention the lovely homemade oatmeal hand soap that my wonderful kids gave me? They were little molded bars of unscented soap (one shaped like a crown and the other a butterfly). Gotta send props to my Aunt Shelly and her kids for having the patience to help my children make me a present! Thanks guys!

Around 1pm we met up with the extended family at my grandmother's place. She lives in a nursing home and doesn't get out much, so we brought dessert and gifts to her instead of making her traipse across town in the care-a-van.

Picture this: At one time or another we had (at the most) eleven people plus my two little ones crammed into a little room not much bigger than the average hospital room. On the plus side, my aunt made a spectacular lemon sponge cake with equally lemony whipped topping. Oh if only my family wasn't so large that I could have had a second piece! I love lemony desserts!

I spent a couple hours there with my kids watching other family members coming and going. We exchanged cards and gifts among the mothers in the group. My kids gave their great grandma cards they'd picked out for her and then we left. Did I tell you that yesterday was gorgeous? Not yet? Well it was. We ventured out into the sun, but only for the ride home.

I was beat, so we went home and Mother's Day, or so it seemed, was over. I cooked for my family, and myself, a Mother's Day meal of marinated chicken and mashed potatoes. All the while I was tending to my sick daughter, who's nose has been running like someone forgot to turn off the faucet! And my mouthy (testing out his new found attitude) soon-to-be four year old. But I don't mind because I love my babies as I've mentioned in numerous posts before this one. That is, after all, what that day is for right? I am a mother and this is what I do. If I didn't like it, there would be no laptop for me to play with when I get home tonight.

And so I leave you, dear readers, with a funny little video in honor of Mother's Day, this one really cracks me up:

Chocolate toes.

This was quite some time ago...she was one but so cute. Just cleaning out my phone and sharing with the world!

Happy Birthday

"With every friend I love who has been taken into the brown bosom of the earth a part of me has been buried there; but their contribution to my being of happiness, strength and understanding remains to sustain me in an altered world."
- Helen Keller

Today is the birthday of someone very special to me. Kathy Maria Vilandre was as close a friend as I could have, for me she was my second mother. I met her years ago while in middle or high school (I can't determine the year for sure). She was the mother of Ryan, a boy I knew, he dated my best friend Rebecca. Through my friendship with Becca and Ryan I came to know Kathy well. Over the years I remained in contact with Kathy and she was a large part of my life. Kathy was at times, easier to talk to than my own mother about a lot of things. I found myself seeking Kathy's advice many times over the years, long after Rebecca and Ryan's relationship ended. Kathy passed away on June 25, 2008, only a few short months after my mom. The pain was still very fresh from the passing of my mother when one day I got a call from Rebecca (she remained close with Kathy as well) saying that I needed to go to the hospital right away if I wanted to say good bye, because she was dying. The scene in the hospital was eerily similar to the one I'd witnessed in April that year for my mother. Kathy had been fighting cancer for the last year, a short time compared to the battle my mom went through. By the time I reached the hospital, Kathy was unconcious but still breathing. Her family so graciously allowed me to be in the room alone for a few moments so I could talk with her. I broke down and told her how much I loved her, I felt so alone in those moments. How is it fair that both of the women I loved so much could be taken from me in such a short amount of time?
Kathy passed away that same day around 8 pm. I am grateful that I got to say good bye and hold her hand one more time. I miss her so much and think about her often. Every time I am about to make any decision, I think of what Kathy would have said to me. It's comforting to know that she is no longer in pain, but I miss her.
Happy Birthday Kathy. I love you and miss you terribly.

Quick Fun

I’m in the need for a quick and simple post today. I’m the only one at work today (besides my boss) so I'm swamped, but want to make sure that I get something published just in case my week gets away from me. I was taking a gander at other people’s blogs earlier today and ran across Tiffany’s post from last week. I’ve decided to copy her idea but only this once because I’m not sure I can commit to it weekly, and also it’s Monday, not Thursday. Apparently every Thursday Tiffany calls her post Thursday’s with Tiffani (a different Tiffani) and she jots down what she’s thankful for, listening to, what’s for dinner….well read on to see what I mean.

I am Thankful for... My Timmy. Without him I don’t think my head would stay on straight. He’s also pretty patient with me whilst (I felt like sounding Shakespearean) I get my finances in order (so we can finally get married!!). He is also a great daddy and a loving partner. I would be a pretty lonely person without him, so today I am feeling extremely grateful to have him in my life. If you are reading this, I love you babe.

I'm listening to... Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. She has an amazing voice and makes beautiful music.

I'm looking forward to... the snow finally melting. Reagan keeps bugging me to go to the beach. The other day I told him that we won’t go until all the snow is gone, but he has asked me EVERY day since. I don’t think he grasps the whole “time” thing. It’s getting close though! All weekend was gorgeous! We even went to the park at Twin Lakes on Sunday, what fun!

What's for Dinner Tonight... I have no idea!! It's Monday, which means One Tree Hill night with my sisters. Every week they come over for dinner and watch the show with Timmy and me. It's fun, but as for dinner tonight I am clueless. Better send them an email to get it figured out!

Missing.... Kathy Vilandre. It's her birthday today and it makes me think of her more than normal. And, well, I’m still missing my mom pretty good, but since the other day I haven’t been emotional about it. That’s a good thing because I was getting tired of making myself cry every two minutes!

On a side note…my office rocks my socks! We have a monthly luncheon and it always has a theme with optional costumes and of course games. Last Friday was our April Luncheon and it was a blast from the past. In honor of the 80s I made Hamburger Helper (Cheesburger Macaroni). Here is a picture below of two silly co-workers dressed up 80s style. I didn’t get a costume in time to dress up, which bummed me out at first, but I’m resourceful. I’m happy to report that 15 minutes before lunch I ran into the ladies room, pulled my hair into a side pony tail and applied blue eye shadow up to my brows, race tracks on my cheekbones (quite David Bowie of me) and some bright pink lip gloss (not the same as lipstick, but hey!). I also managed to stuff some paper towels in place of shoulder pads to get the same effect, as well as taper my own jeans with paper clips! It was a pretty ghetto costume, but everyone got a kick out of it. Sorry, no pictures of the actual costume, but thank goodness for the mobile blogger! I was able to send a headshot for you to see. Enjoy.

Me. Trying to look fierce 80s style, sorry, the side pony tail bugged me.

Krista and Darcy! Awesome co-workers

One year ago today...or yesterday. Look at the time!

If I think about her too much, I cry. Unfortunately for me, today is one of those days where I can do nothing but think about her. Whether I am picturing her last moments, or 15 years ago, doesn’t seem to matter. Earlier today was harder than now in this moment. My day is almost over, and it’s been…a…good…day. Was that convincing? Eh.

But really it wasn’t so bad.

My sisters and I took some time off from work to visit my mom at her favorite place. It’s the same cove in which we spread her ashes not too long ago. We picked up her favorite picnic food and some flowers before we headed out to our, now, sacred spot. We chatted and reminisced about our mother, ate our deli takeout and each wrote a note to our mom. Before we left we put our notes into a bottle, and with the tulips walked to the waters edge. The day was beautiful, full of sun, almost as if our mother was with us down on the beach. Every time I felt the breeze shift my hair, I felt my mom’s presence. We placed the flowers and bottle in the water and watched them bob around on the surface of the tide. It was beautiful, and somehow peaceful. On a whim we decided that our mom could probably really go for a jojo, so we tossed one into the water for her.

After visiting the beach with my sisters, the tears have subsided. I’ve spent the evening with my children and their daddy. These three are my happiness. Nothing in this world can make me feel better than them. Tim knows what to say or how to say it so that I feel better. And of course, just looking and listening to my children does wonders for my mood.

I want to share an excerpt from the journal I started not long after she passed away. This entry was written on April 21, 2008. She died April 14, 2008. This excerpt is from the chapter I called MY MOTHER, it isn’t the whole piece, but I think it is my mom in a nutshell:

My mom was wonderful. She was strong willed and stubborn at times, supportive and loving.Her love for her family and children was unwavering. We could mess up a million times over and she’d love us as much as the day we were born.

When I was in middle school my mom decided to go back to school to earn her degree. She enrolled in the local university when she was in her late twenties. She would work and when she wasn’t working, she was studying or taking care of the three of us. Times were tough, once our dad was gone we were left with my mom’s part time income and some other meager student assistance from the student loans. Yet as long as I can remember, we NEVER went without. My mom always made sure we were taken care of. Christmas and birthdays were always big events in our house. You’d never realize to look upon us in those moments how poor we truly were. We somehow always had “stuff.” Most of the time we either had no car, or one that barely ran but she always managed to get us what ever we may have wanted at the time. And you know? She graduated from UAS after 6 years. Not only did she graduate, but it was magna cum laude, that’s pretty impressive considering the circumstances.

My mother always did so much for others and rarely did enough for herself. She loved Halloween and would organize a haunted house every year for the children in low income neighborhoods, the very same neighborhoods that we lived in for many years. Another example of my mom’s unselfish behavior would be that she would ALWAYS put her children ahead of her own needs. If one of us needed money or help, she was there to give it even though her phone would get shut off if she did.

So that was just a tid bit about my mom, it's not a lot but it says a lot don't you think? I miss that woman with all my heart and soul. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, and people say that it will get easier to deal with the loss. It's been a year now, but the pain is still so fresh and the images of her lying in that damn hospital bed, motionless except for the faint ups and downs of her chest, are right there in my memory as if it were yesterday. I'm not real sure when this "easy" thing will kick in, but I sure hope it hurries up!

I love you mom.

Well. Here we are again....

Family quarrels are bitter things.
They don't go by any rules.
They're not like aches or wounds;
they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal ...

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Gosh! I am so frustrated right now. I'm caught between feeling guilty and also feeling upset. Earlier today my family and I were sending emails to each other to discuss the Easter holiday. We were having a hard time coming up with the egg hunt location (Juneau's weather isn't great and we need a plan B in case the weather is crummy) somehow things got misconstrued in the course of the email chain. Everyone seemed to misunderstand everyone else and I decided to voice my opinion in the matter. I basically accused my family of being petty and told them I'd had enough of it and they need to get along or else.
Well it turns out I jumped to conclusions, vented my frustrations when they weren't necessarily warranted, and have now ostracized the family from myself. I've hurt people's feelings, and even though I've apologized, I still feel bad about it.
I've yet to get a response from my apology from anyone. The person who's feelings got hurt or any of the "innocent" bystanders for that matter. Either they are too hurt to respond, or they're too busy. I'm crossing my fingers for the latter.
The thing is that I slightly feel that what I said had some merit. I sent an apology to everyone involved, as well as a separate one to the family member that was most upset. I voiced my point of view on a few things, and gave her the reason I felt the need to say anything at all about the situation. And whether she sees it my way or not, shouldn't matter. Aren't we all entitled to our feelings and opinions? I cannot apologize for telling her the truth. I can apologize for jumping on the family for something that was uncalled for. But the fuel for the fire, so to speak was there, it was the reason I read into the email incorrectly in the first place.
I am extremely frustrated with myself for jumping the gun. I love my family very much, and while most of the time we don't see eye to eye on things, I would never hurt them intentionally. And so now I am torn between feeling guilty for said situation and also feeling a bit insulted that by venting my frustration I've isolated myself, leading me to believe that I should keep my opinions to myself. Either way, it's not a very uplifting note.
No matter which way you slice it, I've done something I can't take back. I hope a few of them read this, so that they understand that what I say may hurt their feelings, but it doesn't take away from the fact that THEY are the most important beings in my life, aside from my babies of course. My family is all I have, I would do anything for them, and I would venture to guess it would be reciprocated. I hope that if a certain person reads this, they understand that even though they don't see in themselves what I meant, it is truly how I feel and I would hope they will try and see it from my point of view as well.
I would also like to add that I hope this person will TALK to me. I'd rather not "sweep it under the rug" or let it blow over. I'd also rather not get my information from third parties. If you have something you want to say, please TALK to me. If you feel my feelings are unwarranted, I'd like to hear it. Families need to communicate, we shouldn't run to the the next person and talk behind each other's backs, if we can't do that, then where do we stand? It also won't resolve anything by acting that way.
Well, ok. I've said my piece as much as I can. In email, on my blog, I'll be trying to talk in person a bit later. If none of this works, I give up.

"Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun." ~Mignon McLaughlin, Journalist

As I sit here, my cup of coffee in hand with the TV tuned into FUSE # 1 Hits to rock out to, and the kids are in bed. I finally have a moment to get online. *sigh* I tend to do most of my web browsing via my cell phone these last few days and it makes for minimal contact, so I've been itching to come here. I realize I am getting out of the habit of writing, so I am back to give you a dose of Candice Ultra Lite. So as Lady Gaga blasts her Poker Face on my television, I'll get started.

The other night was fun. My kids and I played a bit of dress up. Sofia wanted to be a princess and Reagan joined in asking to be one too. We compromised and he was a prince. I made them crowns out of pipe cleaners and tied a ribbon to Fia's. Sofia has a pink tutu, so she put it on with her pink princess gloves. She was so happy to be dressing up, it was adorable.

Reagan put on his Halloween costume, or at least part of it. He was Batman last year, so the cape worked nicely in a pinch. He also chose to wear the Bat Belt, or whatever it's called. They wanted me to dress up with them, so I put a sarong over my head and they dubbed me the Royal Mommy.

The three of us played around for an hour or so and at one point Reagan changed from PRINCE REAGAN to the Prince of Darkness. He put on his Batman mask and decided that was much better than his sister's game.

Before too long it was time to get ready for bed. The kids were bummed to end their playtime with mommy (I am after all, a lot of fun) and went to sleep with the promises in their little heads that it would happen again soon (in my delusional mindset I actually considered playing dress up again NEXT weekend).

I was awoken the next morning promptly at 6am by my two beautiful children, costumes in hand, asking to play with mommy. Gotta love being a mom.

Announcing the Royal Brother & Sister

From Left to Right: Prince Reagan, Royal Mommy and Princess Fia

Batman of course

She was twirling like a ballerina

If I won the lottery....

Earlier Tim and I were speculating about winning the lottery. I am leaving for Seattle the day after tomorrow and while I'm there I am instructed to buy some lotto tickets. Our conversation quickly turned silly while we discussed the many things we'd do if we won.

Today's blog is just that. What would I do if I won the Mega Millions? Read on, loyal followers, your answers await.

First things first. Pay off ALL my debt. And Tim's too. We'd be able to start over completely from scratch. That alone would be completely awesome.

Next I'd go house hunting. Not condo or small house hunting. I mean "house of my dreams and only in my dreams" hunting. I picture at least 5 bedrooms. Enough to house each child, Tim and myself, a den for Tim and a room for myself to be creative. Of course it has to have a huge kitchen with a pantry, a dining room and formal living room. An extra family room for the "family activities," a large laundry facility and a 2 car garage. Oh! and a walk in closet big enough to be the 6th bedroom. Did you ever watch "Newlyweds" on MTV? Jessica Simpson turned the spare room into the most beautiful closet I'd ever seen. That's what I'd want. A couple bathrooms would be swell too. I also picture turning the basement into a mini recording studio for my Timmy. Now, this dream may seem extravagant, but that's because it's a dream so don't scoff.

Next I'd quit my job. Literally, I'd NEVER WORK AGAIN. I loathe working. If I could, I'd spend the day doing all sorts of fun things. I'd go shopping, maybe hit up a spa, go to the gym, see a sporting event, take my kids to the park, see an exhibit in a museum or go for a long drive. The possibilities are endless.

I'd hire a nanny. I'd love a live in part time nanny that could watch the kids for half the day while I do some of the fun things I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Then I could come home and whisk them away to do awesome mommy/kids things. Once they're in school full time I wouldn't need a nanny anymore, but for now it would be ideal.

SHOPPING for everything. Someone has to stimulate this economy, it might as well be me. I'd have to buy furniture and other accessories for my new house. Plus clothes and toys for the fam dam and myself (of course).

Ooh! I'd buy an eco-friendly vehicle for myself to haul around the brood. I'm thinking one of those hybrid SUVs. Personally I love Lexus and Mercedes, so I'd probably have a 2nd car too, and yeah that probably isn't so eco-friendly to have two. But sometimes it is nice to have another option.

This should have been number two on the list, but it doesn't really matter which order they appear. But I'd plan my wedding. This wedding would be the complete opposite of what I'm currently in the midst of planning, mainly due to the budget. With the exception of my dress and chosen color schemes, I'd plan everything different and to the hilt! I may even consider a destination wedding in some tropical location and buy all my guests the airfare and hotel for their trip there. I'll have to plan on writing a future blog about my wedding plans. I've been hesitant on that because it's somewhat a touchy subject right now. More on that later I promise.

I might consider a 2nd house. The reason is, and you'll understand if you've read my blog before, but I really dislike my current choice in residential locale. Mainly because of the weather. So I'd like to have a summer home here in Juneau and spend the winters in Seattle. This way I can visit my family in the most beautiful season Juneau has to offer and spend the rest of my days in my favorite town.

Speaking of this: I'd travel. EVERYWHERE. And I'd make sure my kids come with me. I'd love to show them places all over the world, and to share that with them would be amazing.

My kids. I want them to have everything I never had. Including a paid for college education and a lovely home. Regardless of it's size, I want a house for them to grow up in.

Ok. Okay, I know this is all over the top. But really all I need is a home, some savings and my family and I'll be as happy as a pea in a pod...or a bug in a rug...or what ever it is that is really happy.

Valentine's Day

It's been far too long since I've written anything here. I am sorry my loyal followers, it is no excuse, but I get so preoccupied that I just plain forget. Today marks the first day of a 3 day weekend, so I'll be able to kick out at least one more post while I'm at home being lazy.

Today is Valentine's Day. Tim and I don't normally go overboard with the celebration of this holiday but we do make a point of doing something. The kids both got Valentine's gifts of the obligatory candy and stuffed animals from all of the relatives, including myself. I did manage to give Reagan a Transformer's card and that pretty much trumped all other gifts, even the candy. So I guess I rock.

Around 3:45 this afternoon Tim and I took the kids to one of my willing relative's house. We were supposed to go see a movie before dinner, but we decided at the very last moment to skip the flick. So I turned off the blinker and kept driving. We didn't know where we were going at the time, but ended up downtown at Silverbow Bagels. We both had a cup of coffee and a cookie while we chatted away. It was reminiscent of the old days (before we had kids) when we used to go into Starbucks and we'd talk or read for 4 hours. I miss those days at times, but life is what you make it, right? Today we didn't stay for 4 hours, but we did stay for a bit.

After leaving the coffee shop we decided to take a walk through town. I'd like to point out that by now it's after 5 and dusk... let me also say that it was extremely cold. We weren't prepared for the nippley walk since we had originally intended on just a movie, so we only made it as far as Hearthside Books. For those of you who don't know, that's only about 2-3 blocks. We went inside to warm up and I ended up buying a new bedtime story for the kids. Even when I'm away from them on a pre-scheduled event, I can't stop thinking of them. Tim and I had an unintended conversation with the overly chatty guy behind the counter, who was obviously lonely due to his clientele all out celebrating their love for one another and NOT buying his books. That killed a teeny bit more time. Due to the chill in the air we didn't want to spend too much time outdoors, so we headed over to the Wharf. This destination was in the original plan, however we weren't supposed to be there this early. Since we skipped the movie, we were having dinner earlier than planned.

On a side note (and Tim insisted I put this in my blog, so I apologize for, how do they say? TMI.): Before going into the restaraunt, we both had to use the restroom, the Wharf must have recently done some remodeling because the men's room door had been replaced with saloon style doors. Stranger still, Tim says that the stalls in the men's room were the same way. He said he was half expecting (his words, not mine) a man with a cell phone camera or John Wayne to kick through the stall door with one foot while he was on the john (pun intended). I thought this bit of information odd, but found myself thankful that the ladie's room was intact with normal doors.

Digression over: We went into a very busy Pizzeria Roma (our favorite date place) and went about the normal dinner routine. My waiter was my sister's high school prom date, I'm sure she'll get a kick out of that. He was the only waiter/cashier on hand. I am assuming on a normal day, this works out just fine. Tonight, and I'm not sure if this was poorly planned or maybe someone didn't show up, but he was very busy. Example: Tim and I wanted refills of our soda and we mentioned it to him when he checked in on us, he told us it would be a minute. Several minutes went by and still no soda...we felt bad for the guy ("guy" seems so impersonal, my sister went on a date with him, so for heaven's sake, let's call him Josh!)..we felt bad for Josh so Tim went downstairs with our cups and asked him if it would be ok to do it ourselves (they have a fountain behind the counter). Safe to say Josh was more than willing. Dinner came and went, by the way, they make killer stuffed mushrooms and a not so killer cannelloni. We chatted some more and held hands like an old married couple, which when you subtract the married part... we kind of are (haha...ahem). When dinner was done we just couldn't think of anything else to do, so as we left the Wharf I called my aunt to let her know we were on our way back already. We had only been out just over 4 hours and missed the kids. We were ready to head home.

Now it is roughly 10pm, our kids are snug in their beds after being read their new story, and Tim and I are contentedly doing our thing at home. I have never been much of a Valentine's Day celebrator, tonight's events are pretty exact replicas of years past. But I have to say that I am extremely content. I got to spend an evening out with the man I love, and I was home tucking in my beautiful kids by their usual bedtime.

I wouldn't trade today for a million roses, a cheesy card and a diamond in my cannelloni. Ok, a cheesy card would be the icing on the cake.

Can't they just remain babies forever?

My kids are so cute. Right now they're testing their mommy and daddy's patience, but it's cute. It's Saturday night, so I guess I'm not that worried. It's 10pm, the kids were put in bed at 8pm like every night. But tonight they've decided they'd rather not sleep.

Tim went in their room to lay the law down about 20 minutes ago. What he found was pretty darn hilarious. The kids were wide awake, naturally. They had moved their bedding around on the floor, were running around their room wearing these backpacks my mom got them some time ago (they're basically Sesame Street dolls with a tiny zipper pouch on their backs and straps so kids can wear them like a backpack). The funny part is, and I'm not sure when they learned this, but they both stop in their tracks when Tim entered the room and instantly pretend to be sleeping. As if it isn't completely obvious they're faking. Since they'd been up and running, they landed on the floor in non sleeping positions. Reagan was on his knees with his head on the floor and one hand holding his Grover backpack in place, while Sofia actually started to get down but decided mid-motion that it wasn't necessary to lie down. She just sits sown on the floor and closes her eyes and puts her thumb in her mouth.

It's about 10:15 now, things are seemingly quiet. I'll give it another 15 before I know they're out for sure.

The fake sleeping has been going on for a couple weeks and it's always accomponied by the chatter, these two can talk like a couple teenage girls at a sleepover. Don't ask me what a 2 and 3 year old find to chat about, but they find something. It can be adorable, but some nights it is just plain frustrating when all I want to do is go to bed as well. Or at least enjoy "adult time"... I look forward to the hours between 8 and 11:30, when Tim and I can actually talk or watch our shows (all uninterupted). It's lovely.

I guess now that Reagan is close to 4 things are starting to change. I worry that he's growing up too fast (at least for my taste). He is definitely drawn to more mature things these days. For instance: his cartoon preference has changed recently. He used to be content with an episode of Go Diego! Go! or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but now they just seem to bore him. If I insist, he will tolerate them for his sister's sake. There are times he will put up a fight about it though, so I try to alternate the cartoon viewing. He now would rather watch Transformers, anything Batman, Spongebob Square Pants, or even Hannah Montana and Zach & Cody (this is how he refers to the Suite Life of Zach and Cody on Disney). The latter two have me stumped. These are TV shows that tweens should be watching, and my 3.5 year old son enjoys them (what's scary is that he seems to understand them, or maybe he only laughs because of the laugh track, which eases my mind some so we'll go with that). He's greatly influenced by his teenage cousins that he sees every day at his daycare (which could also be refered to as my aunts house).

Even Sofia is growing right in front of our eyes. It seems like only yesterday (cliche) that she was turning one, just learning to walk... you know the rest. Now she tells me daily that she's a "big girl." She's potty training at her request, which is cool, but it came as a shock when she first asked because I wasn't ready to let that part go yet. Even something as trivial as her hair growing fast makes me nostalgic (and admittedly weepy).

I just want it to stop! Or at least slow down, my babies aren't even babies any more and it scares me. Well, it doesn't scare me necessarily, but it sure as hell freaks me out. I'm sure experienced mothers who read this will probably scoff and tell me that this is a part of life that every mother dreads. I know the facts, I just don't like them.

Baby Reagan (and mommy)


Baby Fia (and mommy)

My "BIG" kids, Christmas 2008

This is for you Claire.....

Well here it is. It's only my 3rd posting and I've come up with writers block. I can think of nothing to inspire me. I am bored. But don't worry your pretty little heads. I have searched the web for ideas to blog about. I've come up with a solution for today's entry.

You see, lately I've been feeling a little blue. You might call it the winter blues, seasonal depression or whatever. I call it "THIS SUCKS." It's only January and I'm sick of this place. I am ready to go, vamoose, scat, get outta here! Or rightly, I'm sick of this weather. It's bringing me down. I'm tired of wet feet, cold hands and chapped lips. The other day the snow turned into snain (that's what I like to call the lovely mixture of snow and rain falling outside my window).

This is my driveway, or anywhere else you look for that matter.

I'm realistic, there's no way that I could pack up and leave. Or could I? Would it be prudent of me to leave hastily? No. But that doesn't mean I can't think about it. Besides, it could happen in the future. As of this moment, if I had my way, the not so distant future.

I got a bit spoiled living in Seattle. The winters there weren't great by any means. But they weren't this endless down pour of snow. It didn't snow for days on end and then stop, make you think it was over just so 6 days later you can be depressed on your way to work (already depressing enough) because it's SNOWING once again. You might be thinking, "don't you live in Alaska? Isn't this to be expected? What's wrong with you? Snow is beautiful. If you don't like it, why'd you come back in the first place?" All good questions. I'll answer them.

1. Yes. I live in Alaska.
2. Yes. It is to be expected.
3. Um what's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Snow is pretty when you haven't seen it in 6 months and all of a sudden there is a light dusting of it on a fall morning. Snow loses its beauty quality after the 2nd month in a row without much stopping. When you have to consistently shovel and snow blow your way out your front door. When all you see are crazy traffic accidents because people forget how to drive when the weather changes. And then when snow turns to snain, and it's not even close to spring yet, so you know it's not over. That is why snow is NOT beautiful (to me, of course)
4. Well, I don't like it. Never really did as a youth. But I didn't have much choice, seeing as how my mom pretty much chose where we lived. I left as soon as I could. Came home from time to time, it is HOME after all. Came home last time to be around my dying mom, not really knowing how long I'd stay this time. Now she's gone, but I still have 2 kids. I have to be a grown up. Which means my moving once a year stage needs to end. For now.

All this aside, I have compiled a list of PROS and CONS for Juneau vs. my 2nd (and greatly missed) home of Seattle.

JUNEAU

PRO. My family. It's huge. We're close. I love them. Without them I'd be lonely. Save for Tim and the kids, these people are my everything. And they're ALL (but a few) here.

CON. Weather sucks ass. See the above commentary.

PRO. I LOVE my job. For the first time since my summer job (I was 19) in the tourism guide business (and that can't possibly count as a job) I actually enjoy what I do. I like my co-workers, my office rocks and I get paid well. Also, because it's a government job the benefits aren't that bad. Plus I'm getting loads of experience in the lending business. (Hello! future jobs! or at least once the mortgage industry isn't in dire straights)

CON. No shopping. At all. I just got wind of this newest rumor, Payless and Gottchalks are closing. If you are not familiar with the small town of Juneau, all you need to know is that there is a WALMART, Fred Meyer, Gottchalks and Payless. Of course, a few other things here and there, but really, that's close to it.

PRO. Affordable day care. Because my aunt watches my 2 kids for half what I would pay in Seattle or any other day care in Juneau.

CON. Juneau is expensive. Nuff said.

PRO. I get the permanent fund dividend. Alaska is the only state that pays it's residents once a year. It is only once a year, but hey! it's usually over $1000.00, that is, before the economy took a nose dive.

CON. It's hard to travel. No road out, so you can't drive. You can take a ferry or small boat out, but that takes forever. The only real option is by air, and only AK Airlines flies in/out of Juneau so they monopolize the price to do so. A trip just to Seattle is usually over $500.00 round trip.

Umm that sums up my PROS and CONS for Juneau so far it's 50/50, got a little love, a little hate for this place as you can see.

SEATTLE

PRO. Friends. I left a few GREAT friends behind that I can only now communicate through email, MySpace and the phone with. I love them and miss them dearly.

CON. No family. See my PRO comment on the Juneau side of things.

PRO. Inexpensive living. Really, compared to here, it's a schmorgasbord of cheap stuff.

CON. Possibly a crappy new job. There's no guarantee that I'll end up as a loan officer or loan closer in Seattle. Jobs are scarce right now, especially in the lending biz.

PRO. Places to go. Lots to do. Technically is this 2 PROS? I'm not sure, but I lumped it into one for you. There is ultimately a variety of things to do, many of them FREE.

This is a picture of baby Reagan at a fair in Seattle. Just an example of how much fun we had for free. Good times.

CON. No family daycare. Due to CON number 1 for Seattle, there is no family, hence, no cheap daycare. Which means I go back to paying full prices.

PRO. Weather is not too shabby in winter, awesome in the summer. It still rains, but it's tolerable.

CON. umm I'm out of them.

PRO. I can drive away for the weekend, pretty much anywhere I want to go. And airfare can is WAY more affordable from Seattle.

PRO. I LOVE THE CITY!!

So that's that. There's my list. Unfortunately all it did for me was make me miss Seattle more when I realized that staying here is better for me and my family. Purely for economic reasons. But reasons none the less.

Even though Seattle obviously outweighed Juneau in a number of areas, it doesn't mean that I'll be leaving any time soon.

Juneau has it's moments



Whew! Looking at this post, you'd never realize that I couldn't think of anything to write. Google is my friend.