She Really Was The Glue

Where to start? There's a plethora of news to share. Well, news isn't quite the word I'm going for. But information. Things are changing. A storm...is brewing...or something mysterious like that.

First things first. *sips my coffee* How are things? It's been a while, this I know. I really don't have an excuse other than the norm. I'm busy, I'm lazy, well I'm a lot of things and diligent isn't one of them. Sorry 'bout that.

Let me bring you up to speed on things. I have been increasingly unhappy with my current place of employment. I actually quite enjoy my job, or at least I enjoy learning about the industry. My job title is Loan Closer/Processor II, the actual duties of my job are quite mundane. I basically accept loan applications, process them (gather info and run the background/credit check) before sending them to a loan officer for approval/denial. Once an approved app comes back, I create the legal docs and docs for recording etc. Send them to the borrower for their signatures, about 90% of my clients are not in Juneau, I deal with rural Alaska and so their loans are processed via mail. I do a few other tedious tasks throughout the month, but that is the gist of it.

On top of the boring aspect I work in an office of workaholics. My boss and the woman that has seniority over me in my section rarely miss a day of work. My boss will take the occasional mental health day, but the co-worker does not. She got married last year and didn't even take a whole day, just a half day. I mean come on! Oh but her cat died a few months ago and she took two days off... go figure.

Neither of them have kids like I do, in fact they've expressed dislike for children in general. I've heard on more than one occasion: "and that is why I don't have kids" add a seriously disrespectful tone and you've got one offended mother (that'd be me). Due to my children and my own health (among other unforeseen circumstances) I have missed work here and there. Nothing too horrible, but I hate the feeling of missing just one day and coming back to the silent treatment. I'm sorry, but I refuse to sacrifice my own health or the health of ALL my coworkers (like some people. ahem.). I absolutely get so irritated when my above mentioned co-worker comes to work with bronchitis or flu symptoms or other things that she frequently does. This is why we have 5 weeks of leave per year people! jeez.

OK so I'm not a workaholic, that is clear. The other thing that bugs me in the office is the buddy buddy nature of the two people I previously mentioned. My boss and my co-worker. They chat constantly about everything. Not only that, I've learned things about my other co-worker that I shouldn't be aware of. These are things that should be kept between him and our supervisor. But our supervisor shares these details with the other girl who then proceeds to try and gossip about him with me! I put my foot down about this recently and she stopped for a while. But that doesn't mean they have stopped. And it makes me wonder what gets said about me behind my back.

The catty nature of the office is enough to make me miserable. Add in the other few things and I'm downright irritable these days. I finally bit the bullet and looked at other state jobs online last Monday. Turns out there was this one job I am super qualified for and I'll make a tad bit more than I do now, plus there's travel involved which seems exciting. Not to mention I would actually have interaction with the clients! I think that is what I've been missing, I spent soooo many years in customer service that this job was a drastic change. The application period happened to close that same day, so instead of taking time to think about what I was doing...I did it. Now I'm just waiting to hear about an interview. My sources say I am a shoe in, that this department has been waiting for someone like me for a while now.

So we'll see.

On top of all that, I felt a bit unsure about looking for work right now. The reason being is that Tim and I have been considering relocating back to Seattle. It's going to take quite a bit of planning. My worry is that I apply for this job and get it...then we decide "ok! let's do it!" about the move...then I'm leaving the new job high and dry. We have good jobs and family (and a potentially better job in the works!). I really want to be back in Seattle, but at the same time I'm realistic. So even though we want it, well it's on the back burner for now...

Just to push the dream of Seattle a little further down the road we've decided to put an offer on a condo. Tomorrow. Tim's idea is we'll buy this condo and stay in it for a short time building equity while we continue to save for our move then when we sell the condo for what we buy it for, we'll have a bit of moolah for a down payment on the RIGHT place. The problem I keep bringing up is that I want to move like yesterday! lol. Buying a place means at LEAST another year here and realisticly? Probably more. In order to build enough equity, we'd need to stay a substantial amount of time. You know how it goes. I mean we won't be in it forever, the main reason being it's a condo the size of our current apartment. And it's only two bedrooms. We will eventually need to migrate to something with three cuz the kids will be needing their own space one day. So conceivably we could be back in Seattle in about 4-5 years with a pocket full of cash from our sold condo and be prepared to buy the house of our dreams...

You tell me, what do you think of this plan? Yah I know, on paper it seems good. Sounds great! But I miss the friends I have in Seattle, I'm pretty lonely here save for Tim, the kids and some family. I rarely see anyone these days unless it's a holiday.

It's sad but everyone seems to be going their own way these days. My sisters both talk of leaving town like I do and have their own lives. I see them occassionally and talk to them via email mostly because we're too busy to see eachother in person. The aunts keep to themselves with their own families and friends seeing us on certain occasions. And they've all hinted at future endeavors outside of Juneau. It's like when my mom died, so did the rest of the family, or at least the the family time. It's been said before, and now I say it too...she was the glue that held this family together. There are no more game nights, rarely do we get together for birthdays (ok well maybe we do lunch for those), less phone calls...everything just seems so. broken.

I keep waiting for something to change but part of me has been thinking that all these things I talked about are signs from my mom telling me to stay in Juneau for a while. She loved it here. She loved the family. The current state of affairs would probably have her in pieces.

It's a lot like this printer on my desk. I got it from my mom's house when she died. Every once in a while (when it's turned off) it makes a sound like it's trying to start up or do...something. It clicks to life for a few seconds and then it's as if nothing happened. Tim and I joke that it's my mom's spirit trying to come out of her printer to tell us something.

See? Maybe there is such a thing as a sign.

Tell me what you think. Do you believe in signs? Or are you a realist like Tim? He doesn't believe in signs. :)

Nighty Night!

Totally Awkward Tuesday!

Have you ever had an awkward moment? You are probably thinking who hasn't?... But how many of you take your awkward moments and then tell the world about them? Well, I'm about to do just that, I'm going to follow the lead of one of my really awesome friends out there in blogger-land. Tova has taken your average Tuesday and turned them into Totally Awkward Tuesdays, which is an idea that I really like because let's face it: I have many awkward moments. Many of them would probably create much amusement for you all, so consider yourselves lucky! If this works out well, I may just do it on a regular basis.

For the last couple of weeks Tova has actually gone back in time and talked about awkward moments of years past, specifically middle school crushes. And oh. my. gosh! Were they funny. But guess what Tova? I have one of those too! (and by the way, I had the same creepy stalker type crushes as you girl! But those stories are for another post)

A post or two ago I briefly mentioned a long time (my all time favorite!) crush I had on D.P (I will never forget him... You think I am still too obsessive about him don't you?). The crush developed in 6th grade when we reunited in middle school (we'd previously been in the same 2nd grade class, but I didn't have those feelings then).

D.P was the ultimate. He was popular, super cute (in my opinion) and totally unattainable (for me). He was going out with a girl named Gretchen (bane of my 6th grade existence).


Jeez! Hold on, the awkward moment comes soon, I'm just giving you the back story!


So a couple years go by and we're in 8th grade. Every couple of weeks the school threw what they called weekenders, which really were just after school dances with half the gym reserved for basketball and the other half for dancing...don't question it, that's just how it was. I religiously went to these weekenders hoping to score a dance or two with anyone willing...within reason (of course). I had this one fantasy about D.P that went something like this:

D.P walks up to me in the dry ice infused smokey air. At the same moment that D.P reaches out his hand to ask me for a dance, Brian Adams' Everything I Do starts playing (um hello? All time most romantic song! duh. oh BTW? This was roughly 1993/1994). D.P smiles as I take his hand in mine and we dance for a glorious 5 and a half minutes (if you haven't figured it out yet, I also chose this song for it's length...if you're unfamiliar with it, the song has the longest instrumental ever!). As the song comes to an end, D.P doesn't quite want to let me go. So he holds on to my fingers until the last possible second, lingering for just a few more seconds...

And (dramatic pause) end scene...

Okay, so this fantasy had pretty much been going on in similar form since 6th grade, and I'd given up hope of it ever happening.

Flash forward to the 8th grade prom. It's some kind of masquerade theme or mardi gras... some such thing, you can picture it can't you? I'm as decked out as my mom would let me get at that age, and I am going solo (well, with my best friend and her boyfriend...if being a 3rd wheel counts). So I'm sitting at a round table with a group of my girl friends, gawking at all the beautiful people. Scope out D.P and pretty much stalk him with my eyes all night.

A while into the dance I notice D.P walking toward our table.


I'm sitting next to a girl named Shelby, and I lean in to whisper loudly "Oh my gosh, D.P's heading this way! Hyuck!"


Yes, I used the Goofy laugh because that's how I imagine it sounded.


D.P stops at our table and says "Would you like to dance the next slow song with me?"


I stare at him for what seems like an eternity, waiting for Shelby to answer him. I hear nothing so I slowly turn to Shelby trying to figure out why the hell she's not answering him! I mean come on girl!


Only when I turn to face her, she's staring at ME like I'm the crazy one.


Then it hit me.


Oh. My. God. (did he mean me?!)


So I say it out loud... natch.


Did you mean me? Hyuck! (yes..I did)


D.P is probably not sure what he's gotten himself into at this point....but he nods his head.


"Oh sure! Yes. Great!" (Did I really just say Yes! Great!??? I might as well have said You Betcha! Okee dokey!)


So D.P says "ok, see you on the floor for the next song."


So at this point my girlfriends are like, "what are you WAITING for?" And I'm not sure, but I think they may have had to pry me out of my chair.


A minute passes like molasses, it's so slow. But finally. FINALLY. It's time.


So I walk out onto the floor feeling extremely out of place because I may have gone out a tad too early. Also, the thought of him ditching me on the floor isn't entirely far fetched as I picture him doing exactly that. What other reason would he have for asking me?? (to this day I still don't know why...just in case you are wondering)


But thankfully, there he is. He smiles and walks up to me, at the exact moment the song starts. (perfect timing!). And just what song do you think starts playing? Yup. You got it. Good ol' Bryan Adams.


So we start dancing (there IS a God!). And I find myself thinking 3 minutes into the song, that yes. This could very well be the best moment of my life. Look at all those people, his friends, staring at us. I am sure most were wondering why he was dancing with me, as was I.


*But he did, and here we are, so there! *


So the song ended and he said to me "thanks for the dance." And that was it.


*Sigh*

So you're probably wondering where the awkwardness comes in. I mean sure, there were some awkward moments, but where's the real awkward stuff?

Well. Being that this was the prom, it goes without saying that this was the end of the school year. Hence, yearbooks. So I get my yearbook and like most young girls I go through it with a pen and make notes on the pictures. Or maybe this is just me...


*Get to the point...*


If you were to look past all of the "have a fun summer, see you in high school" notes (and one that says Bologna tastes good with mustard...I kid you not) and find the P section of the 8th grade part of the book you would see D.P's head with a big pink heart around it. From this heart is an arrow pointing to the margin of the page. Now friends...this is a direct quote (yes I did go and find my 8th grade yearbook, just for this post you lucky readers!): "He asked me to dance at the prom 5/20/94. And I did!! It was awesome, I think I am in LOVE!"


Silly right? Harmless right?


Well, like most kids, I carried it around to all of my classes with me that week. Hoping to get as many signatures as I could.

So what do you think happened? I leave it in my English classroom. I don't even notice that it's missing till the next period. I quickly get permission to run back to the other room to get my misplaced book.

I knock on the classroom door as I enter the room, while I'm thinking to myself how lucky it is that I sit near the door so I won't have to walk into the middle of the class to get the yearbook. As soon as my eyes find the desk it should be on, I realize it's not there. In fact it is a few desks away, in the hands of several other students and they are reading the EXACT page I quoted from a minute earlier. The worst part? D.P was sitting in the same classroom I was standing in at that moment. And these kids were reading ALOUD... aloud! I about died as they started snickering when they saw me standing there... I calmly held out my shaky hand and asked for my book back. The girl that had it, said "why don't you ask D.P for it?" And she handed him the book. *Biatch* (oh yes I went there!)

He barely looked at me as he handed back the yearbook...silently I might add. And I got out of there as fast as I could.

Talk about your awkward moment! As I sit here thinking about it, I remember it fondly, even though that is only because of the near perfect dance scene! The embarrassing moments I could do without though.

Now it's your turn to shine! Or not to shine...that IS the question, isn't it? Talk about one of your awkward moments on your own blog, then link back to mine. THEN tell me about it with a link to your post in my comments section. I'll then post your link at the bottom of this post for all to see. It's one big awkward party folks! Sorry it's almost the end of Tuesday, for some of you it might already be.... I'll let it pass if you want to have Totally Awkward Wednesdays...

PS. I am TOTALLY going to scan some pics from the 8th grade prom tomorrow. Yes as a lot of you know, I keep everything. So I still have them. Woo Hoo! Stay tuned for those, you won't want to miss them!

*udpdate 7/13/2009*
Sorry for not actually posting any pictures folks. I found them, but my scanner at home leaves something to be desired. : ) But guess what? Someone participated! Check out my friend and her awkward moment!

Tiffiny

If I won the lottery....

Earlier Tim and I were speculating about winning the lottery. I am leaving for Seattle the day after tomorrow and while I'm there I am instructed to buy some lotto tickets. Our conversation quickly turned silly while we discussed the many things we'd do if we won.

Today's blog is just that. What would I do if I won the Mega Millions? Read on, loyal followers, your answers await.

First things first. Pay off ALL my debt. And Tim's too. We'd be able to start over completely from scratch. That alone would be completely awesome.

Next I'd go house hunting. Not condo or small house hunting. I mean "house of my dreams and only in my dreams" hunting. I picture at least 5 bedrooms. Enough to house each child, Tim and myself, a den for Tim and a room for myself to be creative. Of course it has to have a huge kitchen with a pantry, a dining room and formal living room. An extra family room for the "family activities," a large laundry facility and a 2 car garage. Oh! and a walk in closet big enough to be the 6th bedroom. Did you ever watch "Newlyweds" on MTV? Jessica Simpson turned the spare room into the most beautiful closet I'd ever seen. That's what I'd want. A couple bathrooms would be swell too. I also picture turning the basement into a mini recording studio for my Timmy. Now, this dream may seem extravagant, but that's because it's a dream so don't scoff.

Next I'd quit my job. Literally, I'd NEVER WORK AGAIN. I loathe working. If I could, I'd spend the day doing all sorts of fun things. I'd go shopping, maybe hit up a spa, go to the gym, see a sporting event, take my kids to the park, see an exhibit in a museum or go for a long drive. The possibilities are endless.

I'd hire a nanny. I'd love a live in part time nanny that could watch the kids for half the day while I do some of the fun things I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Then I could come home and whisk them away to do awesome mommy/kids things. Once they're in school full time I wouldn't need a nanny anymore, but for now it would be ideal.

SHOPPING for everything. Someone has to stimulate this economy, it might as well be me. I'd have to buy furniture and other accessories for my new house. Plus clothes and toys for the fam dam and myself (of course).

Ooh! I'd buy an eco-friendly vehicle for myself to haul around the brood. I'm thinking one of those hybrid SUVs. Personally I love Lexus and Mercedes, so I'd probably have a 2nd car too, and yeah that probably isn't so eco-friendly to have two. But sometimes it is nice to have another option.

This should have been number two on the list, but it doesn't really matter which order they appear. But I'd plan my wedding. This wedding would be the complete opposite of what I'm currently in the midst of planning, mainly due to the budget. With the exception of my dress and chosen color schemes, I'd plan everything different and to the hilt! I may even consider a destination wedding in some tropical location and buy all my guests the airfare and hotel for their trip there. I'll have to plan on writing a future blog about my wedding plans. I've been hesitant on that because it's somewhat a touchy subject right now. More on that later I promise.

I might consider a 2nd house. The reason is, and you'll understand if you've read my blog before, but I really dislike my current choice in residential locale. Mainly because of the weather. So I'd like to have a summer home here in Juneau and spend the winters in Seattle. This way I can visit my family in the most beautiful season Juneau has to offer and spend the rest of my days in my favorite town.

Speaking of this: I'd travel. EVERYWHERE. And I'd make sure my kids come with me. I'd love to show them places all over the world, and to share that with them would be amazing.

My kids. I want them to have everything I never had. Including a paid for college education and a lovely home. Regardless of it's size, I want a house for them to grow up in.

Ok. Okay, I know this is all over the top. But really all I need is a home, some savings and my family and I'll be as happy as a pea in a pod...or a bug in a rug...or what ever it is that is really happy.