Flowers and sleep

My baby picked me flowers...and then fell asleep holding them. Ain't he sweet? *squeeze*

She Never Sits Still!

My beautiful family. Unfortunately Sofia has a hard time holding still for longer than 2 seconds, hence the slight blur of her face. It's a great picture none-the-less.

I Don't See the Silver Lining Here

"Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it's the time when they most need to think." ~ Bill Clinton

I am currently finding the above statement to be true. I am currently so stressed that I literally am having a hard time thinking, yet in my current situation that is not going to be of any help at all. Let me explain:

It has finally gotten quiet in my small apartment, for this is the 5th consecutive night in a row that my son has thrown a hissy fit (and that is being generous) over one thing or another. If it's not about bedtime, it's about the choice in bedtime stories or his pajamas not being the right pair. And it's not just whining...it's full blown screaming, kicking, crying, and....punching. Not really sure where he learned that one, and I don't like it one bit. For the last several nights he has fallen asleep between 10 and 11, more than two hours past his usual bedtime. Which leads to the newest addition to our good times - this morning he didn't want to wake up and get dressed because he wanted to sleep (vicious cycle!). When we insisted that it was time to GO, he refused to pick out his own clothes, so we did it for him. He wasn't having that so he threw another tantrum. He ended up being carried to the car in his shirt, socks, and underwear because he refused the pants we chose (and I was NOT going to play musical pants) then he also decided he didn't want to go anywhere (he wanted to stay home alone) so he refused his coat as well. So I put his jacket, pants and shoes in the backpack and hauled his little behind to the car.

Yes. It was a long drive to the babysitter this morning. The kicker? Tim called to check in on him this afternoon and he found out that immediately after I left Reagan had put his pants and shoes on as if nothing was wrong as he sat down to breakfast (oh! where is the justice?!).

On the way home tonight I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a couple dinner ingredients. Since it was a quick stop, Tim stayed in the car with the kids while I ran in. Reagan wasn't happy with that because he wanted to go into the store too. When I returned less than 5 minutes later, Reagan and Tim were out of the car, poor Fia was patiently watching from her booster seat as Tim lectured Reagan on how to behave. Well at that point we had to actually put him in the car to get home. Yah, that was fun. Let me just say "thank goodness for child safety locks".

Reagan spent most of the evening in his room until he decided he wanted dinner (which I really tried to withhold for bad behavior, but I have a such a hard time doing when he says he's hungry...I always cave on this threat when it's been used). Also, he has NO TV or favorite toys, this is something I won't budge on....however I'm not sure it's working because as I said, it's been 5 nights now. By the way, he hasn't seen a transformer in almost a whole week. Most of the evening went ok after he stopped crying, he even went to bed with no arguments...yet all good things must come to an end, right? Tim went in to tell the kids to stop talking and go to sleep around 9, the tantrum picked up where he'd left off.

I have to say, I am exhausted. It literally drains me to the point of exhaustion. I end up getting so mad that I spank him, which is a futile effort. And then I have to leave the room because I am getting so angry that I am afraid I'll spank him more, and I hate spanking to begin with (I always said I wouldn't do it...but that was before my son hit the "terrible fours" And by the way? He NEVER even went through the "terrible twos" I heard so much about). It is starting to make me sad, and I've also started to question my abilities as a mother. Talking to him doesn't work, yelling doesn't work, reasoning? there is no such thing with a four year old. So what do I do? Is this going to pass? I have no idea, I've heard "it's just a phase" a million times. That may be, but this phase is taking it's toll on me.

We can't even do anything fun as a family because something always triggers his anger. We tried going for a walk last night after dinner and everything was fine, the kids were having fun. But when it was time to turn around (Fia was getting tired and didn't want to walk anymore, and hey! she's heavy.) Reagan freaked out the whole way home.

Tomorrow is my Division picnic, and I'm concerned that my child will throw a fit over something while we're there. Is it strange that my two year old is better behaved than my four year old?

I keep hoping that this stage in his development will end soon. I see glimpses of my sweet, soft spoken, kind hearted little boy, right smack dab in the middle of his emotional tirades. I miss that part of him more than ever right now. I really need him back.

I also need a massage.

"Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun." ~Mignon McLaughlin, Journalist

As I sit here, my cup of coffee in hand with the TV tuned into FUSE # 1 Hits to rock out to, and the kids are in bed. I finally have a moment to get online. *sigh* I tend to do most of my web browsing via my cell phone these last few days and it makes for minimal contact, so I've been itching to come here. I realize I am getting out of the habit of writing, so I am back to give you a dose of Candice Ultra Lite. So as Lady Gaga blasts her Poker Face on my television, I'll get started.

The other night was fun. My kids and I played a bit of dress up. Sofia wanted to be a princess and Reagan joined in asking to be one too. We compromised and he was a prince. I made them crowns out of pipe cleaners and tied a ribbon to Fia's. Sofia has a pink tutu, so she put it on with her pink princess gloves. She was so happy to be dressing up, it was adorable.

Reagan put on his Halloween costume, or at least part of it. He was Batman last year, so the cape worked nicely in a pinch. He also chose to wear the Bat Belt, or whatever it's called. They wanted me to dress up with them, so I put a sarong over my head and they dubbed me the Royal Mommy.

The three of us played around for an hour or so and at one point Reagan changed from PRINCE REAGAN to the Prince of Darkness. He put on his Batman mask and decided that was much better than his sister's game.

Before too long it was time to get ready for bed. The kids were bummed to end their playtime with mommy (I am after all, a lot of fun) and went to sleep with the promises in their little heads that it would happen again soon (in my delusional mindset I actually considered playing dress up again NEXT weekend).

I was awoken the next morning promptly at 6am by my two beautiful children, costumes in hand, asking to play with mommy. Gotta love being a mom.

Announcing the Royal Brother & Sister

From Left to Right: Prince Reagan, Royal Mommy and Princess Fia

Batman of course

She was twirling like a ballerina

Valentine's Day

It's been far too long since I've written anything here. I am sorry my loyal followers, it is no excuse, but I get so preoccupied that I just plain forget. Today marks the first day of a 3 day weekend, so I'll be able to kick out at least one more post while I'm at home being lazy.

Today is Valentine's Day. Tim and I don't normally go overboard with the celebration of this holiday but we do make a point of doing something. The kids both got Valentine's gifts of the obligatory candy and stuffed animals from all of the relatives, including myself. I did manage to give Reagan a Transformer's card and that pretty much trumped all other gifts, even the candy. So I guess I rock.

Around 3:45 this afternoon Tim and I took the kids to one of my willing relative's house. We were supposed to go see a movie before dinner, but we decided at the very last moment to skip the flick. So I turned off the blinker and kept driving. We didn't know where we were going at the time, but ended up downtown at Silverbow Bagels. We both had a cup of coffee and a cookie while we chatted away. It was reminiscent of the old days (before we had kids) when we used to go into Starbucks and we'd talk or read for 4 hours. I miss those days at times, but life is what you make it, right? Today we didn't stay for 4 hours, but we did stay for a bit.

After leaving the coffee shop we decided to take a walk through town. I'd like to point out that by now it's after 5 and dusk... let me also say that it was extremely cold. We weren't prepared for the nippley walk since we had originally intended on just a movie, so we only made it as far as Hearthside Books. For those of you who don't know, that's only about 2-3 blocks. We went inside to warm up and I ended up buying a new bedtime story for the kids. Even when I'm away from them on a pre-scheduled event, I can't stop thinking of them. Tim and I had an unintended conversation with the overly chatty guy behind the counter, who was obviously lonely due to his clientele all out celebrating their love for one another and NOT buying his books. That killed a teeny bit more time. Due to the chill in the air we didn't want to spend too much time outdoors, so we headed over to the Wharf. This destination was in the original plan, however we weren't supposed to be there this early. Since we skipped the movie, we were having dinner earlier than planned.

On a side note (and Tim insisted I put this in my blog, so I apologize for, how do they say? TMI.): Before going into the restaraunt, we both had to use the restroom, the Wharf must have recently done some remodeling because the men's room door had been replaced with saloon style doors. Stranger still, Tim says that the stalls in the men's room were the same way. He said he was half expecting (his words, not mine) a man with a cell phone camera or John Wayne to kick through the stall door with one foot while he was on the john (pun intended). I thought this bit of information odd, but found myself thankful that the ladie's room was intact with normal doors.

Digression over: We went into a very busy Pizzeria Roma (our favorite date place) and went about the normal dinner routine. My waiter was my sister's high school prom date, I'm sure she'll get a kick out of that. He was the only waiter/cashier on hand. I am assuming on a normal day, this works out just fine. Tonight, and I'm not sure if this was poorly planned or maybe someone didn't show up, but he was very busy. Example: Tim and I wanted refills of our soda and we mentioned it to him when he checked in on us, he told us it would be a minute. Several minutes went by and still no soda...we felt bad for the guy ("guy" seems so impersonal, my sister went on a date with him, so for heaven's sake, let's call him Josh!)..we felt bad for Josh so Tim went downstairs with our cups and asked him if it would be ok to do it ourselves (they have a fountain behind the counter). Safe to say Josh was more than willing. Dinner came and went, by the way, they make killer stuffed mushrooms and a not so killer cannelloni. We chatted some more and held hands like an old married couple, which when you subtract the married part... we kind of are (haha...ahem). When dinner was done we just couldn't think of anything else to do, so as we left the Wharf I called my aunt to let her know we were on our way back already. We had only been out just over 4 hours and missed the kids. We were ready to head home.

Now it is roughly 10pm, our kids are snug in their beds after being read their new story, and Tim and I are contentedly doing our thing at home. I have never been much of a Valentine's Day celebrator, tonight's events are pretty exact replicas of years past. But I have to say that I am extremely content. I got to spend an evening out with the man I love, and I was home tucking in my beautiful kids by their usual bedtime.

I wouldn't trade today for a million roses, a cheesy card and a diamond in my cannelloni. Ok, a cheesy card would be the icing on the cake.

Can't they just remain babies forever?

My kids are so cute. Right now they're testing their mommy and daddy's patience, but it's cute. It's Saturday night, so I guess I'm not that worried. It's 10pm, the kids were put in bed at 8pm like every night. But tonight they've decided they'd rather not sleep.

Tim went in their room to lay the law down about 20 minutes ago. What he found was pretty darn hilarious. The kids were wide awake, naturally. They had moved their bedding around on the floor, were running around their room wearing these backpacks my mom got them some time ago (they're basically Sesame Street dolls with a tiny zipper pouch on their backs and straps so kids can wear them like a backpack). The funny part is, and I'm not sure when they learned this, but they both stop in their tracks when Tim entered the room and instantly pretend to be sleeping. As if it isn't completely obvious they're faking. Since they'd been up and running, they landed on the floor in non sleeping positions. Reagan was on his knees with his head on the floor and one hand holding his Grover backpack in place, while Sofia actually started to get down but decided mid-motion that it wasn't necessary to lie down. She just sits sown on the floor and closes her eyes and puts her thumb in her mouth.

It's about 10:15 now, things are seemingly quiet. I'll give it another 15 before I know they're out for sure.

The fake sleeping has been going on for a couple weeks and it's always accomponied by the chatter, these two can talk like a couple teenage girls at a sleepover. Don't ask me what a 2 and 3 year old find to chat about, but they find something. It can be adorable, but some nights it is just plain frustrating when all I want to do is go to bed as well. Or at least enjoy "adult time"... I look forward to the hours between 8 and 11:30, when Tim and I can actually talk or watch our shows (all uninterupted). It's lovely.

I guess now that Reagan is close to 4 things are starting to change. I worry that he's growing up too fast (at least for my taste). He is definitely drawn to more mature things these days. For instance: his cartoon preference has changed recently. He used to be content with an episode of Go Diego! Go! or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but now they just seem to bore him. If I insist, he will tolerate them for his sister's sake. There are times he will put up a fight about it though, so I try to alternate the cartoon viewing. He now would rather watch Transformers, anything Batman, Spongebob Square Pants, or even Hannah Montana and Zach & Cody (this is how he refers to the Suite Life of Zach and Cody on Disney). The latter two have me stumped. These are TV shows that tweens should be watching, and my 3.5 year old son enjoys them (what's scary is that he seems to understand them, or maybe he only laughs because of the laugh track, which eases my mind some so we'll go with that). He's greatly influenced by his teenage cousins that he sees every day at his daycare (which could also be refered to as my aunts house).

Even Sofia is growing right in front of our eyes. It seems like only yesterday (cliche) that she was turning one, just learning to walk... you know the rest. Now she tells me daily that she's a "big girl." She's potty training at her request, which is cool, but it came as a shock when she first asked because I wasn't ready to let that part go yet. Even something as trivial as her hair growing fast makes me nostalgic (and admittedly weepy).

I just want it to stop! Or at least slow down, my babies aren't even babies any more and it scares me. Well, it doesn't scare me necessarily, but it sure as hell freaks me out. I'm sure experienced mothers who read this will probably scoff and tell me that this is a part of life that every mother dreads. I know the facts, I just don't like them.

Baby Reagan (and mommy)


Baby Fia (and mommy)

My "BIG" kids, Christmas 2008